No more monkeys jumping on the bed!!

Back from the dead

2009-02-17T13:16:00.003-06:00

Holy heck, the flu totally kicked my butt. I mean, a serious beat down. Stole my lunch money and everything. In fact, it managed to bring down the whole family for a little over a week. Claire started it all ON MY BIRTHDAY, and it slowly spread through the whole family. Josh even missed a whole week of work. It was a nightmare. Wanted to die, blah blah blah. (Just realized that you are probably so not interested in hearing all the details of my illness.)

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Claire is watching some sort of tweeny programming on the Disney channel and is keeping a running commentary. "Now THAT was funny." "Oh, too gross" "Oh, that was a good one". She isn't talking to anyone in particular, since she is alone on the couch, she is just talking. It's possible that she got that from me.

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Emma went back to school after a week long absence and came home Monday afternoon with the spoils of her missed valentine's day party. I was a little appalled at the sheer volume of candy she brought home. But a little excited too, cause, woohoo, free candy. Is it wrong that I am eating some of it while she is at school?

Today

2009-02-10T13:42:00.001-06:00

Please keep your thoughts and prayers with Tammy, Megan's mom, today. She is undergoing a mastectomy.

aging. it sucks.

2009-02-09T12:32:00.002-06:00

Dudes, I'm old. Celebrated my 29th birthday on Friday. It wasn't a terribly exciting day, to be honest. The original plan was for Megan to take the kids during the day and deliver them to my mom later, where they would spend the night. That would have been 24 kid-free hours. It, of course, did not happen that way. Thanks to sick kids, neither of those things happened. Poor me. Some good things did happen, though. My mom took me out to eat at Rock Fish and then I treated myself to a little shopping in my favorite antique (read: junk) store. I found a beee-yoo-tiful vintage pitcher like this, except it is bright yellow. The going price for these suckers is about $60 to $80, but guess how much I paid for mine? $9.50. I feel sorta guilty, but I bought it anyway.

Also, I had several over-the-phone serenades. It was nice, but I have been watching too much Idol, cause I was all, "It was a little pitchy, dawg."
A nice surprise was that I got my package of gifts from seester. Included were some very cool earrings, some wicked magnets *, and this strange but cool car air freshener. She made me promise to hang it somewhere mom can see it. I complied, and now, everywhere I go, Obama is grinning creepily at me.

*seester, YOU get to explain to mom why the kids are running around yelling, "Bite Me!". I had to hide the "Go #%@ Yourself" one because they kept asking about it.

I has a smell

2009-02-04T20:26:00.002-06:00

Both my youngest two, and a couple of Megan's children attend a PDO/preschool program twice a week. We take turns bringing each other's kids home. Not interesting, I know, but you needed the backstory. Anyway today Megan picked up and, before retrieving the kids from the playground, she and her oldest daughter Cody went and gathered up their things. There was a different jacket hanging in Claire's spot than usual. Megan was all, Hey, I don't think this is Claire's jacket and Cody was all, Hang on, I'll check it out. (Or how ever an 8 year old says these things) She ran over, SNIFFED the jacket and said, Oh yeah, it's Claire's. It smells like their house.

What???

What exactly does my house smell like, anyway? Cabbage? Flowers? Awesomeness? I am a little concerned about this. We have a SMELL, people. An easily identifiable smell. There are only a few things I can think of off the top of my head that have a distinct smell. And most of them are bad.

random.com

2009-02-03T18:41:00.004-06:00

What up, y'all? In an effort to post more frequently. Here I am.

Is that enough? No? damn.

It has been an interesting couple of weeks. I've been making new friends, rediscovering old ones, and appreciating current ones. I feel very friendly today. Tomorrow I fully intend to crawl back into my little hermit hole alone again. All this friendliness is starting to wear me down.
Seriously, though, I usually think of myself as a fairly social person. I like people, lord knows I am not shy, and I like to do things. But I have realized recently that I tend to slip into periods of hermit-ness. It's kinda weird, cause I don't feel lonely or bored. I just like to take a break. From people. Does that make me weird? Discuss the topic fully in a 3 page essay, due on Monday. This will count towards your final grade.

*******************

Claire just ran up and started waving her arms in my face. When I asked her what she was doing, she panted, "Excercising. To get me stronger." She pumped her arms two more times and said, "There." I was all, "Are you done? Cause you only did like 6 reps. I doubt you are stronger yet." her response was to put her hand on her hip and cock her head. "Mom. I am so stronger I can do KARATE. HIIII-Yahhhhhhh!"
Man, if only my brain was a camera, I'd have some funny pictures to show you.

*********************

My favorite thing Dex is doing right now is also turning into a wake up routine. Every morning, I get him out of bed, and he lays his head on my shoulder, still half asleep, and says in his croaky, whispery, sleepy voice, "Momma, I a monkey. ooh ooh ahh ahh." This of course, is quickly followed by, "I wanna sit onna couch. watcha da teevee. wanna cuppa juice. wanna bowla cheer-ohhsss. needa keen diapah." How quickly he goes from cute to demanding.

Old news that may be new news to you

2009-01-30T10:44:00.006-06:00

Recently, Megan's mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was stunning and sobering news for all of us. Because Megan is super-human in her ability to think of others, she worked to find a way to show her mother a sign of solidarity. A big shout of "You are not alone!" This is what she came up with:

Yeah, she is bald now. And every time I see her fuzzy head I just want to hug her. Because she is willing to do anything to show love for her mom. And that is my kind of girl.

She plans to keep it at hedgehog length until her mom's hair grows back after chemo. This was not a one time deal- she will continue shaving her head until Tammy is cured. I do love me some Megan.

Pictures, y'all

2009-01-30T09:41:00.009-06:00

The weekend before last, we went to Dallas for a little girls' weekend* to celebrate my mom's birthday. While there, I did some engagement portraits for my cousin, Laurie, who is getting married in August. If you have followed my blog, I'm sure you have seen her here before, but now she is all growed up. :(

(You guys like how I just jumped back into posting without mentioning that I have been MIA for the past couple months. Pretty smooth, huh?)

...................................................

Dex is still working on his pronunciation. He is currently standing on the seat of my chair, yelling into my ear "I see a cock! I see a cock! Cock on da wall!"

Oh, look at the time. It's penis o'clock.

.....................................................

*Jumping back in for an edit. "little girl's weekend" sounds pretty hilarious to me. I am picturing us in overalls and pigtails, running around Dallas with our dollies. I could have worded that better.

2008-12-11T09:29:00.003-06:00

Did you ever get so behind on something that, at some point, you just gave up? I have experienced this particular phenomenon in several areas of my adult life- laundry, cleaning, returning emails, blogging... Maybe that says something about my personality. When under pressure, give up. When I sit down at the computer (which, trust me, still happens several times a day, despite the computer that caught on fire last month), and I think of all of the things I could blog about from the past couple of months, then I think Where the hell do I start? then I think Who in the heck really cares about all this mommy crap anyway? I myself am about sick of reading about other peoples' babies and toddlers then I start feeling overwhelmed and guilty and THEN I click away from blogger and look at cute pictures of cats. Then, in shame and guilt, I tiptoe quietly away from the computer.

So I think I have come up with a solution. Anything interesting that happened since say, oh, September, is lost to you forever. There is no way I could catch up, so I think I will just start over.

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Claire's teacher pulled me aside after preschool the other day to share this charming conversation they had.

Claire: My daddy has brown hair.

Teacher: Oh yeah? Do you have a cute daddy?

Claire: Yeah he is pretty cute, but he toots alot.

Teacher: ......

I will never, and I mean NEVER, have to worry about Claire having trouble expressing herself to other adults.

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Did I mention that Josh's sister is getting married to this guy?:

He, obviously, is a deep thinker. He should fit right in. We're a bunch of intellectuals, us Duncans.

Triumphant Return of the Absent Blogger

2008-11-22T19:25:00.004-06:00

Kudos to Lindsey for forcing me to blog again- who can resist a meme?

7 random things about me

1. I do not like metal. I don't like the way it feels or smells, and I abhor the sound it makes. The sounds of two pieces of metal scraping together is enough to make me vomit. I don't even like for metal utensils to hit my teeth when I am eating.

2. I, too, have issues with texture. (Lindsey! Soul mates, dude...) I hate satin and fleece. I have to cut the tags out of my shirts. I don't even really like the material diapers are made of (what is that, anyway?) because it kinda catches on my fingers. I really really hate the material that nightgowns are made from and that is pretty much all Claire will sleep in. Handling them enough to wash and dry them is a chore. Sigh...

3. One of my feet is bigger than the other. Almost half a size. I'm a freak, I know.

4. All 3 of my kids were born prematurely via c-section. Emma at 34 weeks, Claire at 32, and Dex at 34.

5. I read ridiculously fast. I don't know the exact word per minute rate, but I can easily finish a novel in a couple of hours.

6. I think people who pronounce supposedly "supposably" should be shot.

7. I don't really like kids all that much. Mine and a few others are ok, but, on the whole, kids tend to bug me. Weird, I know, considering that I have 3... Does that make me an evil person? Who doesn't like kids?

I am tagging Megan, the other Lindsey, and Misty.

Do your American Doody

2008-10-05T19:38:00.002-05:00

More later, because I know I am woefully behind, but while I have a second:

TOMORROW, OCTOBER 6TH, IS THE LAST DAY TO REGISTER TO VOTE.

At least, that is Texas' deadline. Find out if you are already registered here: https://voterinfo.sos.state.tx.us/voterws/viw/faces/SearchSelectionVoter.jsp

If not, get thee to a post office.

The boy turns two

2008-09-15T16:59:00.004-05:00

Granted it has been a couple of weeks, but Dexter did recently turn two. The day his birthday fell on was actually his first day of preschool, which he cried through. I could have let him start the next week and have an enjoyable birthday, but I think we have established that I am an asshole.

The following weekend we had a party for him at McDonald's. I know. I know. We are big time, but we try not to show off. Cake was eaten, presents were opened, and nobody bled, so I guess that means it was successful.

Not really related, but this woman was cracking me up:

She was sitting outside the play area, and was a complete stranger to everyone at our party, but every time the camera pointed in her direction, she had the uncontrollable urge to pose and smile. Weird.

(I hope none of you actually know this woman cause I am feeling somewhat guilty about posting her picture on the internet. But not guilty enough to take it down.)

How I spent my summer vacation

2008-09-14T18:22:00.012-05:00

Attendees: Me, Josh, rugrats, Michelle, Jacob, Laurie, Austin, Mom, Cindy
Location: Possum Kingdom, Texas

I'll just start with the best- Emma is not posing for this picture. This is just the expression she had on her face anytime the boat moved faster than an idle.

All the kids enjoyed a little fishing, with little results- each of the girls caught two of the smallest catfish in existence- I swear, maybe 2 inches in length each.

Well, Dex tried to enjoy the fishing, but the fishing pole was just so much bigger than him...

I enjoyed some quality time with the person who had better turn out to be my brother-in-law, or I will kick him in the balls. We have a special relationship. (Immediately after this picture, he complained about how bad my finger stunk.)

The other future brother-in-law rags on me with much less regularity. And we tease him alot less. Why is that? Poor Jacob gets the brunt of our... affection. With time, I'm sure I'll be threatening to kick Austin in the nuts too.

Josh's sister Heather even came out for a day. (The kids still insist that her name is aunt Feather. She doesn't seem to mind.)

The gang on the boat, with Josh hiding from the sun.

This is my MOM. MY MOM. Does she rock, or what?
There are pictures of me wakeboarding (yes, I can. No, it is not graceful.), but if you have seen me in person, you know that it would be unkind to subject the general public to pictures of me in a bathing suit. Gah, the knobby knees. Gahhh, the whitest white legs. You get the idea.

This:
was a bad idea. Everyone wound up with skinned elbows and whiplash. And I am in the middle because that is the only way they could keep me from flying off of the damn thing. I swear, everytime we hit a wake, every part of my body flew up into the air. When we turned a corner, I slipped off the side. When we were done I was sore and bruised. Somewhere along the line, I had fun, but I can't remember when or why.

It was a cool weekend. Everyone spent a little too much time in the sun, and almost everyone drank a little too much. (Lusty and Sassypants, I'm talking to you...)

I know I am incredibly biased, but I have the coolest family in the world. The are fun to be around (most of the time), and pretty laid back (some of the time), and quick to call me on my crap (all of the time). I especially have the coolest sister in the world. Thank you for being one of the few people who really gets me , seester. (and isn't totally grossed out)

That's as close as I can comfortably get to mushy.

Before I go

2008-08-29T09:27:00.005-05:00

Today we leave for our much anticipated family trip to the lake house. Not only is my little brood going, but also mom, seester, cousin, and aunt (and respective boyfriends where applicable). It'll be a giant love fest, until one of us pushes another off the dock. Cause that's how we roll.

Let's see, what can I tell you about this week that will satisfy you? My friend Lindsey came over with her boys and, I'm not gonna lie, they are almost cuter than my kids. Seriously. And her newborn is still all squishy and snuggly. I almost stole him. But then I remembered the middle of the night eating crap and changed my mind. Lucky you, Lindsey. You came within a hair's breadth of having that baby stolen and you didn't even know. Megan was there too, and although she never said so out loud, she was thinking the same things I was about your kids. You are lucky she already has her own baby....

Want some cute pictures? Here ya go:

Emma started school this week (more on that later) and Josh caught evidence that the new early morning wake up call has been a little difficult for the kids:

Dancing Queen

2008-08-20T08:27:00.003-05:00

Seems I missed our little weekly get together last week, didn't I? I admit, I was preoccupied with the upcoming trip to see Karin, which went off with out a hitch. (You read, that, mom? WITHOUT A HITCH.) Not one single person got sick, stranded, almost dead, or was otherwise unhappy.It was monumental. It was record breaking. It was nice, for a change. We had a fabulous time visiting Karin and her family in Oklahoma. We helped her unpack some, shopped some, ate some, a generally schmoozed like only old friends can. We even went to a couple of garage sales. I miss my Karin...

We also recently concluded Claire's summer dance classes. I think what she was most interested in was the idea of being a dancer, not so much the practicing. She just wanted to wear the costume and cool shoes.

I know absolutely nothing about dance, so I have no way of knowing if she actually exhibited any excess talent for her age, but she seemed to enjoy it.

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School starts Monday, so we will see how that affects my enthusiasm for posting. As of September 3rd, all three kids will be in some form of school, and I will have two days a week by myself. Alone. With no kids.

The level of freedom I will experience has me a little giddy...

technology hates me

2008-08-10T21:45:00.001-05:00

Again with the no-news news

2008-08-06T15:54:00.002-05:00

Hellooooo, blogland. Seems we have settled into a nice little weekly meeting here. I am typing on my recently resurrected laptop, which has been in computer-repair-guy's care for the past week. Jared and I managed to somehow kill it together, over the phone no less. Okay, to be truthful, I maimed it and Jared instructed me on how to finish it off. Due to my technical stupidity, I had to pass it off to JD, who promised me it would be a "brand new computer" when I got it back. It works pretty good, but it is still all ghetto, with it's missing q and caps lock keys, it's dinged corners, and finger-printed screen. Ah, well, I am still trying to cure myself of TYPE YELLING. Hard to do without a caps lock.

Lucky me, I managed to get sick. Not just a little sick either. Woke up in the middle of the night with two lungs full of concrete a few nights ago. My doctor says I have a respiratory infection with pneumonia potential. Ya hear that Ma? I don't just have a cold. It's got POTENTIAL. My cold is gonna BE something. Anyhoo, I am taking antibiotics and trying to wish myself better because, if I am not better soon, they will want to do chest x-rays. And blood drawing. And medication inhaling. And other dubious medical thingies. No thank you. I'll pass.

Yesterday was my dad's 53rd birthday. (Is it still "is"? Or is it "would have been"?) I still miss you, dad. Happy birthday. Emma still thinks you are taking care of our dead goldfish. I kinda hope she is right.

Soccer, dudes

2008-07-29T19:24:00.004-05:00

Emma is playing soccer this summer through a community center program. She enthusiastically dons her soccer "gear" (athletic shorts, sneakers, and, holy mother of God, a COMPRESSION SHIRT. They make compression shirts for preschoolers? Emma wears a 4 or 5 in a kids shirt. What business does a 4 year old have in a compression shirt? I digress) before each lesson. She happily does the little dribbling drills. She is quite pleased with her chance to attempt a goal. When the kids split up for a scrimmage, she quits. Don't get me wrong- for a kid who totally eschews (SAT word alert) social contact, I am impressed with her willingness to try. But what is different about doing the drills and playing a scrimmage? I don't get it. Somehow, in her little brain, drills are fine, but scrimmages are terrifying.

Unrelated, but yesterday, Josh gave himself a mohawk.

He went to take a shower, then came out and sat on the couch. Nonchalantly turned on the TV. Slowly turned to face the gaping hole my bottom jaw left when it dropped to the floor. "What?", he calmly asked.

Then started cackling. This is what passes for humor in our house. Pictures to come.

(I know I always promise pictures of a particular event and fail to follow through, but on this one I SWEAR. You have GOT to see this...)

In which I ramble pointlessly for your satisfaction

2008-07-23T11:21:00.006-05:00

For lack of anything better to post, but in an attempt to post more frequently....

1. Cousin Laurie got us these fabulous robes in Japan. We are compelled to perform martial arts when wearing them. (Seester, wtf is the bottom half of your body doing?? Hovering? You are GOOD.)

2. Old pictures from the fourth of July that I should have posted sooner:

Jacob is the pied piper of all things explosive

Josh has mastered Wizard level 14

Jacob is working on Wizard level 1

Dex is the cutest junior wizard ever.

Emma is working on her calendar model poses.

3. Emma has named her newest favorite toy (a tiny plastic bear) Stiffy. Do I intervene?

I posted two days in a row. I need to go lay down....

My new car

2008-07-22T17:09:00.004-05:00

My new car is... expensive.

A week or so ago, I noticed a big flap (for lack of a better word) cut into the wall of a tire. It didn't look good, so Josh took the car to a tire shop. Indeed, it was bad. And apparently, there is some rule about replacing tires in even numbers, so he bought two. They are "low profile" tires (I have no idea what this means, just parroting the information as I have received it), which means they were pricey. Ouch.

It didn't really bother me about the tires until this last weekend, when Josh managed to spray paint my car. With spray paint. With all of the spraying of paint that involves. Onto my car. To put it simply, HE SPRAY PAINTED MY EFFIN CAR. It was an accident of course, he tells me. He took it to a car person of some kind (spray paint-scraper-offer?) where he was given an approximately $200 estimate.

Between the two of us, with running over things and reckless painting, we have racked up over $550 in car repairs.

Lordy.

Megan and I are once again hitting the road. This time it is the bustling metropolis of Stillwater, OK (pop. 20,000-ish), where Karin will be taking up residence. (If you are thinking to yourself, my, I don't know who this Karin person is, but she sure moves alot, I understand. Megan and I are nodding our heads in agreement.) Again, we are dragging a baby along (hers) and riding in the same car (mine). We don't typically have good luck on vacations, so start crossing your fingers for us now. As long as no one dies, almost-dies, or throws up, I will consider it a success.

I have been putting some serious thought into updating my blog more frequently, but that is as far as I have gotten.

Ideas:
1. Post daily
2. Post on a schedule
3. Post infrequently and apologize alot

So far, idea 3 has the most momentum. Why try to stop a train that is already rolling, ya know?

Hello out there

2008-07-07T22:39:00.006-05:00

Okay, I know, jeez. Get off my back already. (OK, actually, no one has bugged me about this, I was just feeling guilty.)

Recent stuff:

Emma turned 6 on June 26th. The following weekend we had a party, which was, in my utterly biased opinion, a smashing success. Again, Megan was responsible for photography. At this rate, she may as well just start blogging for me on her site....

It was a "gardening" party. Each kid got to pot a plant to take home. The girls were delighted.

They worked hard at this fun and not-surprisingly messy task.

Dex brought over a spoon. He thought it was an intriguing snack. (That is his "I think I just ate a non-food item" face. We see that one alot.)

Winner of the favorite gift award went to my mom, who got her this snorkeling set she had asked for, complete with creepy plastic face in the package. (I know- we live in a landlocked area. Let her have her little dreams. The bathtub is full of water, anyway...)

Hooray for the genius at walmart who turned the cake upside down before enscribing it. That soccer ball is now floating in a lovely green grass sky.

We also recently went to Dallas to visit Michelle and Jacob, but I only have a couple of pictures. Most were taken on mom's camera. (Would like to have pictures of that anytime now, mom. Pleasethankyou.) It was as fun as a trip with small children can be. More pictures when I have some.

I'm gonna be a grandma...

2008-06-25T09:07:00.002-05:00

I just checked- Megan hasn't written about this yet, so I get dibs. It's my story anyway, even if it is about her kid. ;)

We all know that four year olds say some weird crap. Almost all know that MY 4 year old wins the weirdest crap contest hands down. Much to Claire's great dismay, she has been de-throned.

Last night, I was doing drop off duties for VBS. We picked up Carson on our way, and she proceeded to chatter non-stop for the entire fifteen minute ride. To be honest, as one who is accustomed to non-stop kid chatter, I was only half listening. I happened to tune it at this precise moment: "And when I am a grown up, I can marry Dex. And then I will have a baby in my tummy. But after two babies, Dex will have a shot in his private parts that really really hurts so that we can't have anymore babies."

Wow.

Not only does she have plans for my kid's future, she has plans for his reproductive organs...

Really, this means two things for me:

1. Yay! Megan and I will be related!

2. Brad has been complaining about his vasectomy waaaayyyyyyy too much. Come on, it didn't hurt that bad.

Megan had pick-up duties. I won't even tell you what MY kid said on that ride. Megan, your turn. Go ahead and tell the payback story.

Zoom Zoom

2008-06-12T19:54:00.003-05:00

I bought a car.

I am too lazy to go out and take pictures of the actual car right now, but it looks like this:

(I love how this last picture makes it look so teeny!)

It's a Mazda 5, which is technically a mini-van disguised as a car. The van was falling to pieces and barely worth it's weight in scrap metal. With that in mind, and with a nod to current gas prices...we went shopping.

I had lots of issues with buying a car and they were mainly related to the having to pay for it part. We have never had a car payment. As in, never. Now we do, but it is a relatively low one, so I am trying not to hyperventilate. Mission failure.

But, with the amount of money we will save in gas (a lot!!) and in repairs (even more!!!) I think we will be able to pull it off. We bought the cheapest decent car we could, and we really pissed off the sales guy with our bickering over $10 a month. Hey, it's $10 a month to you, buddy, but it's thousands of dollars over the life of the loan.

The kids like it- they named it speedy. But I suppose after the mean green gas-and-antifreeze guzzling machine, even a bicycle would seem speedy...

Silas

2008-06-03T13:36:00.004-05:00

Silas Nicole Williams was born yesterday at 2:53 pm. She weighed 7 lbs 15 ozs and was 20.5" long. Congratulations, Megan and Brad. She is beautiful.

Claire turns 4

2008-05-31T19:15:00.009-05:00

Okay, it happened a couple of weeks ago, I know. But better late than never, right???

Dora was our Pinata victim this year. Several tried, but she seemed unbeatable
(If you click on this, and the following pictures, to enlarge them, you can see Carson flinching and covering her ears in every single one. I guess to drown out the sounds of Dora's screams...)

Josh helped our nephew take a swing. WTF is with the mile long metal pole, Josh???

Ultimately, Bri was the only one able to defeat Dora, taking her head clean off.

I have no problems with saying that Dora deserved this. It's her voice. It kills me. Thank you, Bri.

Almost no spit was blown on the cake this year. The girl is getting some serious candle-blowing-out skills

Did I mention the face painting?...

Overall, the party was a great success this year. Claire got some really nice gifts (props on the HM nightgown, Jess. You win, hands down. Well, you may have tied with the stereo/HM cd combo, but that nightgown doesn't play songs all day and night so, in my book, you won.) Also, she was an amazingly gracious host, and expressed gratitude for every single present. ("I love it! I love it! Look mom! I love it!")

The sweetest moment came when Emma emerged from her little shell because she was so excited about the gift she bought for Claire. She ran across the lawn shouting "That one is from me, Claire! That one is from me!" Then, THEN, the kid who cringes at affection, accepted a HUG FROM HER SISTER. It was momentus, I tell you.

Thank you, Megan, for all the pictures. Don't worry everyone else- I repaid the favor by taking pictures of her naked pregnant body expelling a child a few weeks later...

Run, run, as fast as you can

2008-05-31T19:05:00.001-05:00

What he lacks in form, he makes up for in enthusiasm.

(Thanks, Megan, for the priceless picture)

Holy Updates, Batman!

2008-05-24T08:47:00.007-05:00

I admit it, I have been slacking. But that means it is your lucky day cause you get almost all of my news in one easy to digest pill.

1. Kindergarten Graduation

Emma had a line in the program. A LINE. WHICH SHE SPOKE INTO A MICROPHONE. We were ecstatic. Of course, almost immediately after, she ran off the stage crying, but hey, we take our victories where we can get them

2. Tech Graduation

A few hours later, we hustled over to the Tech Arena for Josh's sister's graduation. Thanks to the nice (read: ridiculously rich) man my mom works for, we were able to enjoy the event from the comfort of a private box. Money CAN buy happiness... Congrats, Annie. Welcome to the world of Holy Shit, I Just Spent $20 ($30? $40?) Thousand Dollars on a Piece of Paper I May Never Use.

Also, here is a snapshot of Josh and all his sisters. They make Josh look like a giant. He comes from a family of miniatures.

3. More Pictures of My Kids

Cause we really just don't see enough of those...

I still have Claire's Birthday, a strange graduation party, and a visit from family (Hi Jenny!) to add to my numbered list but A.) I have run out of time and B.) This post was getting awfully picture heavy. Let's save some for next time...

Hooray for new keywords

2008-05-16T23:54:00.001-05:00

Some good ones this week!

-monetizing monkeys

-monkey bed stuff

and, by far my favorite

-funny things we do in bed

nice, huh?

7-11 crazies

2008-05-12T22:30:00.003-05:00

Had to get this little story down before it escaped my memory because it was too weird.

I made a quick trip to 7-11 for Coke. In and out, no problem, right?

Me: (handed the cashier my debit card)
Cashier: You know, we only take cash for the lottery.
Me: (??? Looking around for someone who might be advertising "I want a lottery ticket". Nobody) Uh... OK
Cashier: I don't even have one of those. What I got in my pocket is what I got. I always know how much money I have cause it is in my pocket.
Me: That's great...
Cashier: In fact, a cashless society is a sign of the END TIMES
Me: Uh...
(interrupted by crazy # 2, who is in line behind me)
Crazy 2: That's right. And the LORD will SMOTE the non-believers
Cashier: (realizing he has a kindred spirit, proceeds to hold my receipt hostage) Brother, you better believe it!
Me: (Moving my hand towards his in an attempt to grab my receipt) Good to know. Listen...
Cashier: (interrupts me, swoops in on my extended hand, grabs it, and, with surprising deftness, switches the receipt to the other hand and holds it OVER HIS HEAD) What I am sayin' to you is true!
Crazy 2: Amen
Me: Okay,well, I don't really need a receipt anyway. Have a good night! (exits stage left at a run)
Cashier calls after me: Don't forget to bring cash for the lotto next time!

----------------------------

So many problems with this scene.
1: Crazy number 2 used the word smote
2: I felt the uncontrollable need to wish these two crazies a good night
3: I wasn't even wearing my "I love the lottery" t-shirt
4: Cashier handed me my receipt when he realized I was done with this scenario.

Hello there.

2008-05-08T07:46:00.003-05:00

What? Child labor is illegal? Huh... But fence repairs are so damn expensive.

(Don't worry, mom, they were closely supervised.)

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Did everyone have a lovely Mother's Day? I did. I got to sleep in, got breakfast in bed, Josh cooked steaks for lunch, and we went to Abuelo's with my mom* and grandparents for dinner. Phew. Almost too much spoiling for one day. In case I didn't say it clearly last night, I LOVE YOU, MOM! YOU ARE MY FAVORITE!

*I am lucky enough to have a very cool mother who is also good at the mothering bit. (Those two are surprisingly hard to find in one person. They are either too cool to be motherly or too motherly to be cool. You know what I mean. Mini skirts or housecoats- very little middle ground)

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Laura had her baby, and she is very cute, and I am impressed with Laura's sewing skills. But, I will admit, I am a little confused by the leg thingies. Are they tights? Are they pants? What are they??? My confusion aside, congratulations on the super-sweet little girl. She has very cool hair.

bed and things

2008-05-04T07:53:00.010-05:00

Here are some recent google searches that got you lovely folks to my blog:

-bed and things

-bed leavers and profile beds (huh?)

-cousin share bed (ewwwww)

-funny disgusting (okay, that one makes sense...)

and, of course,

-my computer is barking (HEY! I actually have had that problem! Yet another reason blogging is so important.)

What can we learn from this? Two things:

1. There are some strange people in this world.

2. I attract strange people

And to the guy looking for bed and things, good luck dude. Things are HARD to find.

.....................................................................

Further evidence that we are JUST NOT NORMAL

This is Emma's room. She was at school and I looked in her room and saw her bed. Cute, right? Floral quilt, vintage Cabbage Patch dolls and a ... what is that black thing?

Oh, a giant knife. Of course. What do you think she was thinking as she lined up her things on her bed? Is the knife supposed to be a threat to potential doll thieves?

..........................................................................................

Also, Emma is past dressing as superheroes and pirates. She has now moved on to dressing as dad.

And dad is one sharp dresser.

Because I am afraid you will call CPS next

2008-04-23T11:23:00.003-05:00

After receiving 4230985 phone calls about Emma's head, I decided I should post a picture. I managed to get this one while she was still asleep. It's not as bad as you thought... right?

Just a little off the forehead, please

2008-04-22T22:16:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I get to leave the house alone. It is good and I have no complaints other than this one: If you happen to be the parent left in charge and give the 5-year-old a bath, please remove all adult implements from the bathtub. Namely the razor. Because if she tries to shave her forehead, the results are not pretty.

In Josh's defense, Emma is the one child that we don't generally have to worry about mayhem with. Why on God's green earth she would try to shave her forehead is beyond me. But, a warning to other mothers. Should you come home, and your husband stop you before you get in the door with these words: "I can explain", be afraid.

Pictures to follow. Tomorrow, maybe. She is very self-conscious at this point, which is only exacerbated by the fact that, every where we go, people exclaim, "What happened to your forehead??? Did you cut it?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever read Stephanie's blog? What? NO???? Oh, right, that is because it is only on MySpace and the rest of the world can't read it. This is one seriously funny lady, so if you know her, send her an email* and tell her to get the blog out in THE REAL WORLD FOR CHRIST"S SAKE. gahh.
*I have a serious dislike for people who use the phrase "Shoot me an email". If you currently use that phrase, stop immediately. Because it makes you a tool.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dex has taken to trying to ride other people. Like a pony. Even poor Riley is subjected to this. He is the worst with Claire. Every time she is on the floor, he runs RUNS at full speed toward her shouting, "Car! My Car! Wanna wide my Car!" Claire is not amused. The point (and there is one, I swear): don't sit or lie on the floor near Dex. You will be mounted.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

For Jared:

I'm in yer compooters, stealin' yer bloodz...

newishness

2008-04-14T21:23:00.003-05:00

Seester was in town this weekend, hence the lack of posting*. My kids are now all in love with Jacob. Emma even spoke to him. Actual words in actual sentences. I was dumbstruck.
*At this point, I could fill a book with blogs about "Why I Haven't Been Posting". It will be full of great excuses that you may employ yourself, if you are so inclined
-------------------
I did pictures recently with Megan and Misty of my SIL Crystal and new niece, Lauren. Because I am a lazy ass, I am just now getting around to dealing with the pictures, but here are some:

I had intended for there to be more to this post, but blogger is all screwy at the moment. I am having to type amidst all the coding for some reason. Anyone know the answer to this? It is hurting my eyes AND my brain!

Where have all the itchy scalp ads gone?

2008-04-08T22:32:00.002-05:00

So today I got the electronic equivalent of being sent to the principle's office. My AdSense account was disabled because I was defrauding advertisers. I also had illegal clicking activity. And also, the $40 earned? I can forget about that. It is being returned to the advertisers that I LIED TO.
Seriously Google, why you gotta go all high horse on me? I think seester summed it up best: So, they want people to click on the advertisers' ads. But the clicking, that is bad.

So, anyway, thus closes the chapter of, "How Nicole Stuck it to the Google Advertisers". Stay tuned next week for, "Nicole is Arrested for Double Stacking her CVS Coupons". Okay, only Misty and Laura H will laugh at that. But the three of us are having a nice little chortle about now.

Want some free money?

2008-04-08T10:56:00.004-05:00

A new competitor for Paypal is giving out $25 for new accounts until the 15th. If you click on my link, you get $25 and I get $10!!

Even if you don't wind up switching over from Paypal, it is still worth the 25 free dollars- takes five minutes!! Also, you can have the money transferred to your bank account for free or have a check sent for $2.50. I will probably be looking into using this anyway, because there is no fee when you accept a payment from another user- no matter how they pay. Also, I am more than a little irritated to know that Ebay actually owns Paypal, so they are making a crapload of money on both ends. Ha! Me and my $500 dollars in Ebay sales are going to TOPPLE THE BILLION DOLLAR EBAY EMPIRE. muwahahaha

two things

2008-03-30T22:17:00.004-05:00

1: Vaseline + Dirt + Hair = a big mess.

Can you see the look of utter disgust on my face? I don't really have any good pictures of the damage.

I have washed his hair no less than 6 times in the past 24 hours. I have used shampoo, body soap, and dish soap. Twice on each. While the volume of Vaseline is greatly diminished, his hair is still greasy to the touch. He has so far ruined his shirt, my jacket, his sheet, and his pillowcase. Gahhhhhh

2. Claire has a real knack for subtlety. We were touring a few houses with our realtor today, and when we walked in one that had some kind of strange odor (I believe it was eau de cat pee), she exclaimed, "Ewwww! It smells like stinky BALLS in here!" Luckily, our realtor also happens to be my aunt and, even more luckily, the house was vacant. Claire was glad we were so amused, but was a little confused as to why it was SO funny.

Only on the belly, not so much behind the ears

2008-03-28T14:59:00.003-05:00

We have a good friend, Jenny, who lives in California. She is technically related to us, but it is such a tangled web of relatives that it is easier to call her a friend. I digress. Jenny is single, no kids, a few cats. (Trust me, it will become relevant in a minute). Jenny works, and I have too many kids, so we mostly communicate by lengthy voice mails to each other. Her most recent was yesterday. It was chock full of information, but the best part came in the last 30 seconds.

"Give my love to Josh and scratch the kids for me!".

I had to listen to it three times to make sure I heard it right. After she said this, she must have realized that it didn't sound quite right. There was a slight pause, then a hastily added, "Or whatever it is you do with kids".

------------------------------------------------------------

Have you seen this? It is an oddly intriguing look into how ridiculously spoiled celebrities are. I especially enjoyed Eminem's request for a Game Room, which should have an "arcade type ambiance, such as video games, large television with PlayStation and games, masseur, ping pong table..." Seriously? I have been to so many arcades to get a massage.

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Emma's ARD meeting went okay, though it was unreasonably long. There were no fewer than eight people in the room to make sure that the bureaucracy was satisfied with the amount of paper production in order to get one kid into speech therapy. As we discussed the difficulties Emma would face in the first grade, one member of the meeting suggested that maybe Emma should repeat Kindergarten in a full day program since, at this point, she is already stressed by a 3 hour day and will have to adjust to a 7 and a half hour day. Thoughts on this? My concern is that, since she is already ahead of most of her class academically, she would probably be bored to tears if she had to repeat kindergarten. Since her birthday is at the end of June, she wouldn't really be any older than her classmates as she is the youngest now. Anyone who has dealt with this sort of situation, I would appreciate your input.

oodles of money

2008-03-26T23:09:00.005-05:00

Well, hello, peasants. I am now rich from the seven dollars and fifty-four cents I have earned from my hard-working blog. Ahhh, the sweet smell of success. I think Erica has been angling for the beers, so she gets the first one. Then I will pretty much be broke, so I suppose everyone else is on their own.

We have Emma's ARD meeting with the school district tomorrow and I am a little nervous. Mostly because I am not looking forward to sitting around with a bunch of strangers discussing what is "wrong" with my daughter. Let's have a meeting to discuss what is right with my daughter- she colors in the lines, she loves chocolate, and she is super organized. Oh wait, that was one of the things we are trying to cure her of, huh?

To this point, we haven't really discussed any treatment through the school district besides speech. Anything beyond that would require extensive testing and lots of time. Since we already have a private psychologist that our insurance will pay for, there is really no need for school district therapies. Plus, I am more than a little worried that the more treatment the school is involved with, the more likely it is she will wind up labeled. One of the biggest problems she deals with is Selective Mutism which, according to the latest research, can almost be eradicated with the right treatment. Whether we are getting the right treatment remains to be seen, but our therapist came highly recommended, so we will see.

We did finally pick out an elementary school , so that is a relief. The principal seems more than willing to work with us to make Emma comfortable wants she gets there. Yay for that.

Subject change

Everyone is having babies. What is going on, dudes? And also, thank God I got my tubes tied. It is an epidemic, I swear. Thanks to most of you for not burdening me with the secret gender of your unborn child. To the one that did, you will pay for this, woman. I have piles of THINGS I have to hide from you in my home. (Luckily, it is very cluttered here, so who would notice a pile of baby clothes.) Ha! Now you are wondering- did I see a pile of clothes there today? Was it pink or blue? I can't remember.... Revenge is slow but gleeful, my dear friend. (Because I know you will stay up all night obsessing, there was no pile of clothes. It was in the closet, so there is no way you could have seen it. Think about something else.)

I found this picture today and I like it. Seester, you have pretty eyelashes. And also, I miss you.

In local news today..

2008-03-20T15:20:00.002-05:00

Dex will probably be a heartthrob as a teenager. Evidence can be found below. I expect lots of broken-hearted teenage girls in my future.

Emma is growing some new teeth, and she is very proud of them. You can just barely see them peeking out of the gums.

In financial news today....

For those of you who are wondering, I have made $1.37 on my blog since installing the ads. I now have enough for one half of one of the promised beers. Misty is the only person who has actually confessed to clicking a link, but she is pregnant, so the half-beer will have to go to someone else.

Monkeys for sale.

2008-03-17T13:03:00.002-05:00

I am so very happy with my first two "content-relevant" ads. They were:

Monkeys For Sale
Learn Where Can You Find Pet Monkeys For Sale. Get Info Today!

and

Draw A Monkey
Earn Money As An Illustrator! Blick Art Materials. We Sell Online

I can't give you any earnings reports yet because first, someone has to click on the ads. (Ahem.) Obviously, Google is getting their "content" from the title of the blog, but still, I was strangely happy to see that they were inadvertantly relevant- having kids is so much like having pet monkeys. Very similar.

current? yes. Relative? no.

2008-03-16T15:36:00.002-05:00

20/20 did a pretty interesting segment Friday on Selective Mutism (Thanks mom and Misty for the heads up). The accompanying article can be found here. I thought it was a so-so report, but it had some really good information about what these kids go through on a day to day basis. I was also a little glad to see that Emma is not alone in her social struggles. (Of course, I knew she was not alone, but it was still gratifying to see it on prime time tv.)

This coming week is spring break, and Emma could not be more ecstatic. No school all week. I haven't even explained the summer situation to her yet. Almost 3 month of no school is going to blow her little mind.

Other than those two tidbits, not much else is going on. On my quest to be more organized and on top of my life, I feel accomplished if I manage to blog. So what if it is about nothing... Content? Pssshhh. Relevant to your life? Ehhhhh. Interesting? ummmmmmmmm. Okay, I will admit, no to all of those. But it makes ME feel better, and what else really matters, right?

Monetizing the blog.

2008-03-13T15:35:00.003-05:00

Since Google will give absolutely no estimates about AdSense earnings, I decided to take the plunge. (Thanks, Jacob, for the push. Everyone else, if you hate it, blame Jacob...) Anyway, I am not allowed to encourage you in any way to click on the ads. I know it is only a click, and I know I could potentially make MONEY off of that click, but I will follow the rules.

If the ads are bothersome to you, I want to know. I doubt that I will be earning any real money off of it, so I will probably remove it pretty quickly if it becomes irritating. But if I DO start earning money, free beers for everyone!

photo update

2008-03-13T15:03:00.003-05:00

Okay, here are some recent shots.

Crystal's maternity portraits were quickly followed by the arrival of this one:

Meet Lauren. She is very much a binky girl.

Also, here are some of the Bridge group shots.

Not much else is happening, hence the lack of posts. I think I have bipolar-posting-disorder. Lots of posting, then none. It is cyclic. Jared, I'm sure, can diagnose this somehow.

I can only blame myself

2008-03-06T11:07:00.003-06:00

THe weekend before last, Michelle came to visit and on Sunday, my mom had everyone over for lunch. She bought a package of balloons that could be tied into animals for "entertainment". The girls each wound up with several different animals and also a few long, untied balloons. Someone asked Claire about that particular balloon. "What is it, Claire?" Claire made sure she had everyones attention before announcing, "It's a friggin' snake!" Laughter, followed by a few calls of "Whaaaat?" In a louder voice this time, "It's a FRIGGIN' SNAKE". Mom asked her what that meant. Her answer was refreshingly honest: "I don't know, but it is something really funny..."

I enjoyed getting to spend some time with Michelle and Jacob (read: teasing them mercilessly with pointed questions about when they were going to get married), but it was cut short by colds and ear infections. First Emma, then Claire and Dex, and Josh soon followed. Josh was by far the most unpleasant of all four. On Monday, I took the kids to the doctor where we were prescribed antibiotics. While we were there, they also did Dexter's 18 month checkup. He is 33 1/2" inches tall (80th percentile) and weighs 20 lbs 13 oz (3rd percentile. No, you didn't misread that. NINETY SEVEN percent of kids his age weigh more than he does. And that isn't even factoring in the 80% that are shorter than him.) Long and skinny. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that.

Megan and I did some shots at a Bridge Group party. I am not sure what Bridge is exactly, but it seemed to be some sort of drinking club...

We also welcomed a new niece into our family recently. Her name is Lauren and she is pretty cute. Portraits coming soon, but here is one Crystal emailed me:

Right on track for sometime next century

2008-02-28T08:19:00.003-06:00

Okay, I'm here. Jeez. I swear, I am back on track now. Non stop posting. Also, my laundry will be caught up, my house will be clean, and my kids will have matching clothes every day. Okay, I am exaggerating. But I have been out of control with my lack of on-top-of-my-life-ness. I have neglected my friends, ignored my housework, and totally given up on cooking. I have no excuse at this point- Josh's dad came into town and is currently caring for Al. (Yes, that dad. But that is another conversation for another time.) I guess I must be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. :) If I have been neglecting you personally, my to-do list for today includes sending electronic flowers and candy. New and improved with no megapixel after-taste. Keep an eye on your inbox, people.

Dex's vocabulary continues to improve, and he is regularly using little sentences now. Things like, Where are you?, Go out!, and (while madly waving his arms at the light switches) On!Off!On!Off!. Claire was just like this at 18 months and she hasn't stopped talking since then. I get that he is talking early, and is somewhat more advanced than his peers. But I could settle for mediocrity if it meant we could occasionally get a moment's silence, right? Darn us and our difficult genius qualities. Sigh....

Emma is happier at school. This is a relief for all of us. She is still not thrilled about going, but almost never cries when we drop her off. At the recommendation of her therapist, we instituted a reward program for going to school without crying. If she goes all 5 days without crying, there will be a reward on Friday. Some weeks it is a trip to McDonald's, some weeks a local kids' museum, and occasionally, a new (small) toy. Her life is now measured in how many days til she gets a new Power Ranger.

But the biggest news of all lately is my mom. She got the results of her liver biopsy back and, after a year and a half of being off of the interferon therapy, she has had no deterioration of her liver. No scarring, no cirrhosis, no nothing. Seriously? We actually got good news for a change?? Things like this just don't happen to us. There is a very small segment of Hep C patients who do not respond to the treatments but, for no obvious reason, never develop cirrhosis. We are starting to have a glimmer of hope that she may actually be in that segment. Yay for medical mysteries!

Boo for the season finale of Nip/Tuck. This being the only show I dedicate any time to, I expect stellar work. I'm not buying the bear-making faux agent, nor am I getting into the incestual brother/sister relationship. You've pushed it too far this time, Nip/Tuck. Too far, I say! I'll have to find something more realistic. Life maybe General Hospital. (Maggie! The only way to save him is to give him half of a monkey's brain!) Or All My Children. (Mark, she is your SISTER. And your mother...) Is Passions still airing??? (My tiny doll will kill you in your sleep!)

yawning..

2008-02-12T15:16:00.000-06:00

Wow. I am tired.

It has been a hectic couple of weeks, with illnesses, grandpa-care, and VACATION. My vacation went about like this: Load up the car and drive for 6 hours. Get lost a few times and almost-collisions a few more. Pick up Karin from the airport, get some dinner, go to bed, wake up sick. Wander around Ikea in a foggy confusion, followed by a trip to the doc in a box. (Wait, stop right there, you say. You got sick on your vacation?? That's right, people. If there is a way to screw up a vacation, I will find it.) Take antibiotics, shop some more, drop Karin back off at the airport, and drive back home. It wasn't all bad. I got to see Karin and finally meet baby Preston. I got to spend some QT with seester. I got to spend most of 4 days not taking care of anyone but myself.
Historically, I do not have good luck with vacations. I don't know why I would expect anything else. I generally need some time to recover from vacations. It's sad, really.
I came home to a spectacularly clean and organized house. It was a little depressing to see how much better they function when I am out of town. I am not exactly sure how Josh managed this feat, but I am going to ask questions. And I am going to take notes...
Thank you, Megan, Karin, and Michelle for tolerating my whining, and for joining me on a weekend away from children. And for sharing my germs. I hope you are not all sick now...

Five for Fighting

2008-01-30T07:39:00.000-06:00

Five for Fighting pretty much rocks. Mostly for this , because every time that video is played, .40 will be donated to Autism Speaks, an organization which works to raise funding and awareness for Autism Spectrum disorders. In fact, wander around Five for Fighting's website- there are tons of causes that their fundraising is supporting.

2008-01-25T08:40:00.000-06:00

Josh is home. Thank God. He made it just in the nick of time, in that little window between frustrated and full blown crazy.
The day before yesterday, Dex was being his usual charming self and dipped my phone in the bathtub. This is not just any phone, people. It is a Moto Q. I know I have mentioned it before and it is because I LOVE MY PHONE. It is everything you could want in a phone and pda. Needless to say, the bathtub dip was not good for the phone. I took it apart, and dried it out as best I could. But after that, everytime I put the battery in it vibrated. Endlessly. And the screen flashed on and off. And then it died completely. I accepted my fate. I shed a few tears of loss for my phone. I watched sadly as the screen fogged up. And I started pricing new phones.
On some whim I decided to try to turn it on last night. And it works!! It is a miracle! Call the Pope! Seester said she knew that it would work again because she has dropped her phone in water, spilled water on it, annnnnnnnnd dropped in a glass of beer. A glass of beer? Statistically speaking, what are the odds that you would not only drop your phone, but also that it would land in a beer? Only you, Michelle. But I am glad you were right.
Less than two weeks until my vacation. :D

2008-01-16T16:12:00.000-06:00

We rented a Power Rangers movie today. Emma's selection at the video store didn't surprise me, but it did come with a fair amount of internal grimacing and sighing. It was worth it for this conversation though:

Emma: (Eyes wide, entranced) How did that power ranger get so strong?
Me: Uh... working out?
Emma: Did you see those muscles? (Mouth agape, eyebrows raised)
Me: Uh...
Emma: (Turning to me) Did you?

Ew. In case you are wondering, the Power Rangers haven't changed a bit. Awful special effects with embarrassing acting. Emma is in love.

Living the single life

2008-01-10T16:14:00.000-06:00

I've got a pretty good husband, you know. I don't think about it that often, because normally he is here. But since he has been out of town, I have been thinking more about how lucky I am. He is smart, hardworking, funny, and, more importantly, he take out the trash. Every single day. Don't get me wrong, I miss him for more reasons that the trash. But let me tell you, people, taking the trash out sucks.

He is more patient with the kids than I am, and I think they know that. He is almost always willing to play hide and seek, color, kick a ball around, or have a food fight with them. I generally am not. Life for out kids has been severely lacking in the hide and seek department lately. I also now have a deep respect for single parents. If you are a single parent, and not absolutely insane, you are a saint.

Josh has been working non-stop every day trying to prepare Al for moving. He is working much harder than I am, so I am trying not to be whiny. Apparently, though Al has a very small condo, he has managed to cram 20 something years worth of stuff into it.

This happened about this time last year (the Josh going out of town bit), and I am finding myself lazier this time around. Last time I was so bored that I organized everything. This time I am so bored that I am reading TMZ. It seems my priorities have changed.. (God, Britney, get your shit together already.) I could read, or something, like some of my other friends do, but a. I have read all the Harry Potter books and b. turning on the TV requires a much shorter attention span. Mythbusters seems to come on like 4 times a day. Who needs books?

You all know how I feel about discussing feelings (ew), so I will just say this- I miss my husband.

I did something!

2008-01-08T21:01:00.000-06:00

All by myself! With no help from Jared or JD (my two computer-knowledge friends)! I now have a blogroll!! I made a list of the links I visit daily, which include some of my friends' blogs, blogs of a couple of complete strangers, and one random website, engrish.com, because I can always count on it for a LOL moment. A good chuckle, at least. Anyway, if you scroll down, under the list of archives, there is my list of blogs. I probably forgot some links, or got some wrong, but I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself. :D

more underwear and pop tarts

2008-01-05T15:24:00.000-06:00

Holy crap, dudes. (Do I start out every third blog that way, or what?) I am tired of taking care of people. I have 3 toddlers, a dog, a husband, and a grandpa who, at this moment, depend on me for cooking, cleaning, driving, internet-site-finding, phone dialing, channel changing, drink preparing, and in two cases, butt wiping. (Yes, Claire CAN wipe her own butt, she is just not very good at it.) I am trying to be patient, because it is only five more weeks until I get a honest-to-God vacation. No butt wiping involved. Well, my own, most likely. Beside the point.
I have a new reader, and a new friend. (Hi Jenny!) You should read her blog, though I have to warn you that she is an alarmingly intelligent woman and will probably make my blog seem lacking in deep thought. I mean, honestly, I write about underwear and Pop Tarts. She writes about great works of literature. She appears to be vastly smarter than I am, and obviously more well read, but I like her anyway.
(BTW, anyone know how I can start a blog roll of what I am reading? It would be nice to have a permanent list I could add to...)

I have taken exactly zero pictures outside of Christmas snapshots. And I even got some new toys for Christmas. I can't wait to try out my graphics tablet (thanks mom!) for photo editing. Some day I will get the time...
Which reminds me, Christmas pictures. Here are some of them.

This one went out on the Christmas cards. Not my best work ever, but under the circumstances... oh well.

No kid ever wanted a Dora sleeping bag more in her life. Ever.

Michelle and Jacob came, but they were all Emo in their black sweaters.

We have a pretty big family and I stupidly did not bring a wide angle lens. Oh well, here are the bits and pieces, anyhow.(I especially like this last one- kinda like power-channeling through head touching...)

OK, I know....

2007-12-29T16:06:00.000-06:00

I am updating. Get off my ass, ok? Here is why I haven't updated in so long:

On the 18th, I took Emma to the doctor because she had a sore throat and fever. All three kids were cultured for strep but, in the end, Emma was diagnosed with adenovirus. Dex became ill by Saturday and Claire on Sunday. By Christmas day Claire had developed pink eye as well. Josh got sick on Christmas eve. Everyone but me was sick for Christmas.

On the 20th, Josh's grandpa Al (that we visited in Vegas in October) flew into town for the holidays. He stayed with us until Christmas and then moved over to Jane's. He will be back here on Monday. Al has Parkinson's and has many symptoms, the most notable being that he falls down alot. By Christmas day, he had fallen on the same arm and hip enough to have me take him to the doctor on the 26th. Yesterday afternoon, I took him to the hospital for MRI's of the affected areas. Amidst all of this, we are also looking for a reasonable priced independent living center for Al to move into in Lubbock. Due to all the falling, we cannot send him back home alone.

Also, yesterday afternoon, I took Dex in for his 15 month check up (about a month late). He seems to be maturing fine except for the fact that he has not gained a single ounce since his 12 month check up. The doctor said he would be more concerned if he didn't know what the rest of us look like. Since he does, he thinks the skinniness is likely genetic. (Duh.)

Another appointment we had this past week was on the 21st. It was Emma's first visit with her psychologist. Those of you who know us know the anxiety and fear that Emma has struggled with her entire life. Social settings have always been difficult for her and we have finally decided to try to help her with this through therapy. She has tentatively been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and Sensory Integration Disorder. More testing will be done, but there is the possibility that she may wind up being diagnosed with Asperger's or some other mild autistic spectrum disorder. More therapy is being prescribed including speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy. It has been a scary and worrisome time for us. The first person we saw was a psychiatrist, a few weeks ago, who prescribed Emma zoloft and told us about other therapies we could look into. When we asked her if zoloft was even safe for her, she said that it would probably be fine. We decided we needed a second opinion, which is where the pyschologst came in. She agreed that Emma is much to young for zoloft and is working with us to find the right help for Emma.
We had always operated on the idea that Emma would eventually outgrow her "shyness" and have a normal childhood. It has become apparent that it is unlikely that will ever happen without the right therapy. The biggest problem I have encountered throughout this is family and friends whose response is, "There is nothing wrong with her, she just needs to be forced to socialize" or "Why are you doing all of this? She is just shy". People who haven't dealt with psychological and neurological problems before have no idea that this is something Emma can't be "forced" out of. She is young enough that she can be taught how to deal with it, but she will never outgrow it.

Between sick kids, falling grandpa's, MRI's, pyschological testing, and Baby Jesus' birthday party, I have been a little busy. The next person who bitches at me about updating is going to get a swift kick to the groin.

woop woop

2007-12-13T11:02:00.000-06:00

I am mostly updating because of this. My sister is following in my footsteps, and I am flattered, except that I think she just said I look like this thing:

Thanks, sissy

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Funny things said in my house lately:

Josh (as he darts by): Don't tell them where I am hiding! That is cheating! (Covers himself with the curtains, toes hanging out.)

How old are you, Josh? Furthermore, I learned the rules to hide and seek about 25 years ago, thankyouverymuch.

Dexter: Oh Shit! (When it got a laugh, it was followed by ohshitohshitohshit, with a little dance and a smile. Lesson 32498- don't laugh when they cuss.)

random bits and pieces

2007-12-12T13:47:00.000-06:00

Holy crap, dudes. Less than 2 weeks until Christmas. I am mostly finished shopping. I only have one person left to buy for. (If any of you know what I should get Frank, now is the time to speak up. If you don't know Frank, disregard. Unless, of course, you know of the perfect gift for a grown man that works alot, collects nothing, and claims to not want or need any man-made product.)

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In more interesting news, Dex is walking. More zombie (arms straight out in front of him, stiff legged and stumbling) than coordinated walking at this point, but I think it still counts. It is especially endearing when he makes it to his destination and stops to clap for himself.

*****************

Big trip in the works for February. Megan and I are meeting Karin in Dallas, and plan to party like it's 1999. Ok, realistically, Megan will be 6 months pregnant and Karin will have an infant in tow, but party we shall. Until 9:30, when we all pass out from staying up so late. Still exciting, considering that we get to see Karin twice a year at this point.

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Did you know that Flickr has an amazing selection of "found letters" clip art? Check it out:

Now, anyone know where I can get a 2.5 inch x 10 inch frame?

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I like this quote today:

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..." - Thoreau

Why the telephone beats AIM, hands down

2007-12-11T16:21:00.001-06:00

Recounting of IM conversation with Karin's husband, Jared.

Me: somethingsomethingblahblahblah

Jared: somethingresponseblahblah

Jared: One second

Jared: baby

At this point my brain goes into automatic meltdown. Karin's husband just called me baby. What do I tell Karin? I am imagining my death, in which Josh and Karin will join together to kill me. What in the hell is Jared thinking, calling me baby???
(Jared returns)
Jared: OK, sorry.

Me: Baby????

Jared: Yeah, he was crying.

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A secondary title for this one could be me VS my ego

Nuggets of wisdom

2007-12-08T22:42:00.000-06:00

From Claire tonight:
If you have a booboo, that is bad news. If you don't, that is good news. That's what friends are for. And friends don't eat junk.

Well said, my dear.

Time keeps rolling on

2007-12-07T10:47:00.000-06:00

Today marks the two year anniversary of my dad's death. I don't know that any of us are really coping any better than we did last year, but we survived it last year so I suppose we will again this year.I think the reason it bothers me so much (besides the obvious) is that I have plenty of friends and family who have genuinly crappy dads. Absent fathers, self-absorbed fathers, useless fathers, take your pick. But I actually had a really good dad. By no means was he perfect, but he made an effort his entire life to improve ours. I supposed I should feel lucky for the 25 years I had with him, but I am still struck by the unfairness of it all. I miss you, dad.

BTW- I am especially thinking of you today, Misty. Hope that both of our days go by quickly.

Why Josh is grounded from the water colors

2007-12-03T19:36:00.000-06:00

on vocabulary

2007-11-30T10:04:00.000-06:00

I guess it is about time to post, since Megan's blog will be directing everyone here. I should start out by saying- Dex's vocabulary is progressing nicely, but not quite at the rate Megan said. His vocabulary is less college student, and more playground bully. Not alot of finesse in his speaking but he gets his point across. Mostly no's, bye bye's, and screaming the dog's name. (We know when he is full because he leans over the side of his high chair tray, yells the dog's name, and starts pitching food on the floor. Trust me, the dog hauls butt when he hears Dex yelling "WYYYWEEEEE".) So yes, he can speak, but I take no credit.

Thanksgiving was manageable. One of the more notable moments included spitting on a pecan pie and hurling it into the trash (still warm! It splatted nicely) because a despised ex-of-a-relative dropped it off. I hesitate to put more than that because I am never sure exactly who reads this, but I will say this: Ex-boyfriend, you know who you are, and you are an ass. We don't want your pies. (Now, if you know my family, you understand. If you don't, you think we are probably hillbillies. I can live with either.) We ate a very nice meal at Laurie's new house, which is, of course, adorable. That evening, we ate at Josh's mom's house. Nothing of note to report, which is good. Calm is good.

I did go shopping on black friday, but I didn't have it in me this year to get up pre-crack of dawn and stand in line. I am way too lazy for that. I got a handful of decent deals and spent the day shopping with my mom and sister. Michelle stayed through Sunday. It was fun, though I am reminded of why we would never be able to live together. We would kill each other.

Dex is walking about 10 steps at a time. He still prefers to crawl, but full time walking is imminent...

Okay, seester. You win

2007-11-18T07:56:00.000-06:00

I am updating not because I want to, and not because I have anything interesting to say. But it is because my beloved seester notified me that she needs to know what is going on around here.

My seester, let me introduce you to my friend, the phone.

My phone looks like this:

Your Phone looks like this:

You will probably be surprised to learn that those little buttons are so much more than an IM / texting device. The numbers actually have a purpose (other than substiting 4 for four: b4, what4, etc.). Every person has a 10 digit code (we'll refer to it as a "phone number") specific to her phone. You enter this code, connect the line, and, voila, you can HEAR the person you are having a conversation with. It will probably help you understand if you think of it as hands-free texting with voice recognition software. It is pretty amazing technology, and I don't know if it will catch on fully, but give it a try. Your friends will be really impressed that you can actually speak to people on that thing. You can teach them how to use their own "hands-free texting with voice recognition" device. You will be the hero of all your technophile friends.

Also, because I miss you, this is for you:

For the rest of you, meet Rilo. He has a deep and undying love for rubber bands. He actually brings them to Michelle, she tosses them, and he fetches. Weirdness all the way around.

In terms of actual updates, I don't have many. Dex, Emma, and I all got hair cuts. This is Dex with our barber, telling Dex to "look at the camera so momma can get one last picture of you looking like a girl".

(Small shout out to Brown's Barber shop. Richard was my dad's best friend and is a talented and super-fast barber. I highly recommend him.)

Anyway, this is Dex the next day, when we were in Las Vegas. He looks like a tiny little man now. :(

Also, interesting life study presented by Emma:

"Mom! We are pretending to be frogs. I am the one that builds things (???), Claire can be the one that runs around. Mom, you can be the one that cleans things."

Me: "Who is dad?"

Emma: "Oh, dad can be the one that plays all the time."

Me: "While I clean?"

Emma: "Yeah."

That fits.

Claire said something equally interesting last night.

C: "Dad, you gotta work to earn some money."

J: "That's right. That's why I go to work."

C: "And if you can't earn some money, maybe you can earn some GUM. Like Juicy Fruit."

My kids. I swear.

We're back

2007-11-04T07:22:00.000-06:00

The trip went pretty smoothly, considering. Dex was amazingly well behanved. I have no explanation for this, because he did not get normal meals or naps, and spent alot of time in the stroller. But he took it all and stride, and charmed the crap out of Vegas. OK, technically, we were in Boulder City, which is on the other side of Henderson, but we were briefly in Vegas a couple of times. We stayed in a casino in BC called Hacienda. For $39 a night on weeknights, it was ok. The price went up to $79 for Friday night, but the hardness of the beds did not improve when the price went up. I swear, these suckers were made out of pebbles and chunks of steel, blended with some dry hay and wrapped in a mattress-like covering. They looked exactly like mattresses until you laid down on one and broke your hip. Aside from the beds, it was manageable. Josh and I like our comforts but, more importantly, we are undeniably cheap, so this hotel suited us both. There was even a handy little couch in the corner that we stashed the play pen behind. Every once in awhile, we would see Dex's head pop up above the back of the couch but, for the most part, he couldn't see us and slept pretty well.

The funeral itself was beyond bizarre for me. The viewing was realitively normal, aside from the fact that there was no viewing room. It was a storefront building in a strip mall. You walked in the door and, bam, coffin. Difficult for the people who wanted to pay their respects but are uncomfortable around open caskets. Then, the hearse headed out for the cemetery. But there was no procession. The guy specifically told us NOT to follow him. "Go get some lunch, or something. We will meet you there at 1:20." Okay, fine. After the service at the chapel (missed most of this because I was stuck outside with noisy children. Once Josh's sister saw that I was already having to walk around outside with Dex, she was like, "Sweet!", shoved her two year old at me and vamoosed back inside), the pastor announced that anyone who would like to witness the burial should head to the gravesite. I thought this was odd phrasing. Weren't we all going there anyway for the graveside service? Apparently not, because when we got there, there was no pastor, no clergy, no no one, unless you count the four gravediggers and their backhoe. When the pastor said witness the burial, it was no joke. Once we got out there, one employee muttered to another, "They're here". Someone hit a button and started lowering the casket. No final words, just utter silence while everyone stood in little groups and watched it disappear. In the end, everyone just kind of wandered away because there was no one to tell us when we were done. It was all a little bizarre. Maybe I am just used to West Texas services, where everyone goes out of their way to make sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. But I have never seen anything so heartbreaking as an almost-80 year old man, swaying on his feet with the combined effects of advanced Parkinson's and his wife's death. Not one employee of the funeral home even offered him a chair. The rest of us couldn't because we were all outside, standing next to an open hole, wondering what we were supposed to be doing. If any of you are still around when I die, please at least make sure that the elderly have chairs to sit in, ok? And also, make sure there is someone in charge of making things as easy as possible for those grieving, alright? Thanks.
We got back in to town and the girls were beyond glad to see us. It took them a full minute to ask for their souvenirs. The cutest part of all was when Dex caught up with Emma, on the floor, and threw his little body on top of hers and hugged her. Everytime she tried to get up, he would put his little hand on her face and push her back down. And hug her some more. He missed his sisters!
Now I have to spend the next few weeks undoing what my grandparents and my mom have done to the girls. Wish me luck.

Bathwater and other delicious drinks

2007-10-28T08:28:00.000-05:00

Dex is a handful. He keeps on our toes almost every minute that he is awake. Non stop activity from a child who either can't or won't walk. I say won't, because I have seen him make some walking-like motions when he thinks I am not watching. But, should anyone attempt to help him walk by holding his hands, or show any sort of enthusiam at all for walking, he immediately sits down on the floor. And gives us a dirty look. As if, 'Walk? Why would I walk? I have my minions to do my walking for me.' He charms the living daylights out of almost every person he meets (elderly people are especially vulnerable, though they all think he is a little girl), so he has no trouble being carried everywhere he wants to go.
His vocabulary is developing at an alarming speed as well. He is almost always saying something. In the past week or two, I have found him sitting on his rocker and muttering "wocka wocka wocka" to himself. It took a minute to figure out that this was his version of "rock rock rock" He now regularly waves to Josh at bedtime and says "nah nah, dada". His pronuciation is off, but I have started to notice that what I thought was babbling may actually be talking. He uses the same "words" everytime, so there is some sort of pattern there. (Like yelling "Geeee [-hard g, not like, gee wally]" everytime we are near a light switch. He wants to turn it on and off. Geee.)

By far, his most prominent obsession is bathwater. It is him firm belief that drinking the bath water will vastly improve the quality of his life. He spends every bathtime filling cups and toys with water, and trying to drink them without me noticing. When I dump the water out of said container, he cries piteously. Like, "I will die of dehydration, Mother! Bathwater is the only thing that can save me! How can you do this to me???" Eww.
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We moved Michelle to Dallas last weekend. It sucked, in case you are wondering. A friend asked if there was "great wailing and gnashing of teeth involved". I told her that on the inside, sure. But in reality it was more like a slap on the back and a "see ya later". We are not comfortable enough with out emotions to actually.... emote. Her boyfriend seems remarkably tolerant of her anxiety about living in Dallas, and was quite nice to us while we were there. ( still don't trust him- he stole my seester.)

I also got to see two of my favorite people, Guin and Rene. (That's Gwen, not goo-en. Ask her mother, not me.) They are just genuinely nice people, and it puts me in a good mood to be around them. He was largely a metal head in high school and she was mostly a hippie. They have merged into something in between and it seems to be working well for everyone. We have been friends for 14 years (Guin) or 9 years (Rene) depending on which one of them you are referring to. Long enough for them to know that I am crazy, and accept that. Also long enough to make me feel old.
I got to go shopping with Guin. Her purse obsession is much like my kids' clothing obsession. Frightening to behold, and dangerous in it's immensity. We were especially daring because we went to North Park mall which features the following stores: Hanna Andersson, Oilily, Strasburg, etc etc. It also holds a Dooney and Burke anchor store, which features ONLY purses. Guin was pulled across the mall by the force of this store, and we had to cling to one another throughout the store to keep from committing a major credit card sin. I was proud of us for escaping this mall largely unscathed. I miss you, Guinny.
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We are preparing to leave for Las Vegas in the next couple of days. Josh's grandma Linda passed away Friday and we are going to the funeral this week. We are leaving the girls with family, but taking Dex with us. Dex takes on Las vegas. Should be interesting. I doubt that Dex will understand grieving, as he is never unhappy. If nothing else, hopefully he can help cheer up grandpa Al. Wish me luck on this trip. Historically, we don't have good luck with traveling.

Hello out there...

2007-10-10T21:25:00.000-05:00

I know, you don't need to tell me that I am lazy about posting. (Though some of you feel the need to call me regularly and ask when I will blog again. You know who you are...) Okay, here's the lately.

Friday night we had dinner with some of my favorite people, whom we don't see often enough. Emma, despite herself, had fun. When we left, she asked when we could go back again. My response was, aww, you like those other kids. Her response was something to the effect of, yeah, I did, annnnnnnnnnnnnnd, they have a TRAMPOLINE. Choose your friends wisely, folks. Not everyone can offer non-stop bouncing fun, like these kids can.

And, no, in case you were wondering, the baby DID NOT want to have her picture taken.

....................

Stomach bug times two. Dex and Emma. At the same time. They were on alternating vomit schedules all night last Saturday so that, by the time we were done cleaning up after one, it was the other's turn. We have finally recovered, but Emma missed three days of school in the upheaval (har).

....................

We are just about at the end of our month of free portraits, and it has been an adventure. But I have had fun. Included were these patient and forgiving families, who helped us figure out what in the heck we were doing.

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Seester moves away in one week. Much sadness. :(

2007-10-04T15:40:00.000-05:00

I have still been taking alot of pictures, but I had to write about this one specifically. This little girl is 3, and a great model. Great because she loves to watch America's Next Top Model. The third shot below is her best ANTM pose. I think she nailed it. ;)

Move over, Brittany Spears

2007-10-02T07:53:00.000-05:00

On Sunday morning, I was driving the kids to church. They were excited about going to Sunday school, and I was feeling more than a little smug, as we were all going to be on time.
Then, from the back of the van,
"Mommy!"
"What?"
"I don't have on any panties..."
I glanced into the rear view mirror to see that the culprit was Emma. And she was wearing a dress.
"Are you sure???"
She lifted a leg in response. Yep. She was sure.
(Mostly to myself) "We don't have time to go back for panties!"
From the back- "But I neeeeeeeeeeed panties!" (crying now)

Long story short, I had to haul everyone into Wal Mart on a Sunday morning. We high tailed it to the panty department and I grabbed the first package I saw.

Emma, trailing behind me- "I get new panties? I wanna wear the green ones. Do I get to keep all those panties? Yay!"

Shoulda just left her naked because now, she thinks she is being rewarded for not wearing panties. In return, she got 6 pairs of panties!!

We finally waltz into church, 15 minutes late. My grandma wants to know why we are late.

2007-09-11T16:26:00.000-05:00

Birthday cake take two: went about the same as the first time around. Dex received approximately 412 toy cars, which we are very happy to have. Ok, to be honest, I could have been happy with like 3, but Dex is having a great time plunging his hands into the pile and flinging them everywhere. Simple pleasures.

I took portraits of a little girl in our playgroup. Adorable kid, beautiful eyes, attention span of a ... well... 4 year old I guess. The fact that I got any shots of her looking directly into the camera is a miracle. But thank you Stephanie, for letting me experiment on your daughter.

Also recently got some cute shots of my niece. She is less infant and more tiny person these days.

Whew

2007-09-06T19:48:00.001-05:00

Another week that no one will believe.

1. Went to Ruidoso. Again. But this time with kids. Yummy. Pony riding, shopping, and a case of either posion oak or hot tub folliculitis. (For Michelle and I only, of course. Mysterously, everyone else escaped unscathed.) The verdict is fifty/fifty.

Michelle's hiking outfit consisted of snow boots and flannel sleep pants. Tasteful.

Yes, that is Josh, crouched on the tiny carousel. What a guy.

Also, while we were there, Dex quietly turned one.

2. When we got home, we decided Dex should have some cake. It went something like this.

We sent him to bed bloated with cake and icing.

3. The following morning was Emma's first day of school. The teacher literally had to pull her off my leg screaming and shoo me away.

She came home happy as a lark.

Repeat that same scene for the rest of the week.

Yesterday was marginally better- she didn't cry when I dropped her off, but I think it was only the promise of cookies that got her going. They decorated and ate gingerbread cookies in class, and that was exciting enough to stay at school for, I guess.

Monday should be a blast, since I spent all week telling her we have to go to school everyday. Forgot to mention the whole weekend bit.

4. Whatever odd rashy disease this is Michelle and I have, it is being treated with steroids, allergy medication, and calamine. I'll be strong, snot free, and stinky by Monday.

5. The dr. also prescribed a sleep aid. Yippee!! After not having slept well for 5 years, I was stoked. But he gave me a low enough dose that I sleep 7 hours and, poof, I am awake. This is proving to be problematic if I go to bed at 10, because then I am wide awake a little after 5.

6. Today is the birthday party. By tonight I will be exhausted, the house will be a mess, and Dex will have forgotten the party. It's alot of work for one hour of baby glory.

All I got is pictures.

2007-08-27T15:06:00.001-05:00

This one makes me both happy and sad.

Self portraits abound in these last couple of months before Megan and I are an official business. I gotta have someone to practice on...

Oh yeah, new website is up: www.lifeinprint.photoreflect.com

Wedding Pictures

2007-08-16T17:55:00.000-05:00

Guess who owns that bottom Chuck?

Whew

2007-08-10T14:04:00.000-05:00

What a week. Or two. I lost count somewhere. Karin arrived last Tuesday and it has been non-stop blissful happiness all the time.This happiness is enhanced by the fact that we are done with all the wedding stuff. And it went PERFECTLY.

The men looked handsome

And the ladies looked lovely.

More importantly, the wedding went smoothly and was surprisingly uncomplicated.

More pictures later when I have more time. But for now, congratulations Mr and Mrs Williams.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

2007-07-30T12:04:00.000-05:00

I KNOW!!! It has been a long time. But let me tell you why.

I took pictures of this little dude:

and this one too:

They were cute, if a bit uncooperative. Having portraits done was a little low on Caden's to-do list.
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We had Riley fixed. While he was under, he had to be treated for ear mites (a very uncommon problem for dogs. Mostly associated with cats, in case you were wondering), had his face shaved (no medical reason, we were just sick of the crazy fur. Shoulda left it, turns out, because now we can see that he has two snaggle teeth that poke out of his mouth at all times. Classy.), and had to have several baby teeth pulled. What should have been a low key deal with a very quick bounce back tine turned into a long, dramatic affair. First he wouldn't eat or drink. Then he wouldn't walk. Then he tried to rip the stitches out with his teeth. For each of these setbacks, he spent a day at the vet's* office. The bill tripled.

*I swear, that woman is a saint. Riley has a different problem every week and i have not seen her roll her eyes. NOT ONCE. If you are a crazy person like me, I highly recommend Dr. Kara Rowntree.

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Then, we began the process of reflooring the kitchen floor. This was alot more work than I had imagined. BIG SHOCK, I KNOW. It is mostly done now.

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Then, Josh and I went on vacation. Alone. (A hush fell over the audience. They were stunned and speechless.) My mom (also a saint), stayed here all weekend with the kids and the dog. I spent my time split between shopping and soaking in the hot tub and Josh mostly gambled. But he won $600 at blackjack, so I tried not to complain.

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I had 60 auctions end last week. With billing, packaging, printing, and shipping, it was quite a job. My printer is still smoking.

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KARIN WILL BE HERE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Must continue cleaning so as not to alarm Karin. She will arrive, the house will be spotless, and she'll think, 'Wow, Nicole has gotten really organized'. No need for her to know the truth. My secret is safe online on a public blog, right?

Cousin

2007-07-14T12:52:00.000-05:00

I have a cousin, Laurie, who is basically a sister. She is 7 years younger than me and I have always thought of her as a kid. Very recently, I had a stunning realization- she is an adult! This scares the crap out of me because I think it means I am old... She is nice enough to regularly allow me to practice on her. Last week, my light meter came in, so I dragged her downtown for testing. Just had to share these because she is so cute!! Enjoy. :)

There is no end in sight...

2007-07-09T16:14:00.000-05:00

Claire has an e.coli infection. Nope, not a joke. Although I have to laugh, because otherwise I will go crazy. The only part that bothered me was that I found out via answering machine well over an hour after the doctor's office closed Friday.
"Claire's test results came back, and they did show a bit of e. coli infection. I have called in a medication to your pharmacy. If you have any questions, call me Monday!"
I had to replay the message 3 times before I could wrap my brain around it. Turns out that she has an e.coli infection of the urinary tract, which is pretty common in little girls. Would it not have been kinder for the nurse to leave the following message?
"Claire's test result came back and she has a minor infection. I have called in a medication. IT IS NO BIG DEAL, WE CAN DISCUSS THE DETAILS MONDAY."

Reality Show, episode 1286978

2007-07-04T22:49:00.000-05:00

It never ends at our house. Here is a summary of recent events, in numerical order, for your reading pleasure.

1. Emma turned 5 on Tuesday. FIVE!! The past week has been filled with acknowledgemnts of her age including (but not limited to): "These socks are perfect for a 5-year old. When I was four, they were too big. Now I am five."

"(tearfully) 5-year olds don't drink out of sippy cups! I am too big for a sippy cup!" - in my expert opinion, no one who spills grape juice on the carpet is too big for a sippy cup.

"Since I am five, can I have two pieces of candy?" Uh, no.

Upon being asked what school she was going to: "Kindergarten!" Response was something like, yes, but what SCHOOL. "Kinnnnnderrrrrrrrrgarrrrrrrtennnnnnnnnnnn." Like, lady, you are so dumb. Do I have to spell it out for you?

She is so proud of her new age that she is even willing to show strangers five fingers when they ask how old she is. Previously, her response would have been to bury her face in my leg.

2. Claire and Emma both had their annual well checks on Thursday. Claire is in perfect health. Emma is too, but failed her hearing test in the left ear. By all appearances, she is completely deaf in the left ear.

3. Emma's official birthday party was Saturday afternoon and she had a blast.

Though I suck at making cakes, we found out.

4. We visited the audiologist to look into Emma's hearing problem Tuesday. Turns out, she has a severe wax impaction. The wax is so solidly wedged in there that it has formed a seal that will not allow air into the ear, much less sound. I spent so much time worrying about her potential deafness, that I almost cried tears of relief to find out it was a hygiene issue. My child is dirty. Thank God.

5. In an attempt to find room for my new light setup, I decided to move the bedroom furniture. In my typical old lady style, I hurt my back. Now I am doped up on muscled relaxants. Can't say it is all that bad, but it is embarrassing to explain to people how I hurt myself.

6. Riley loves gum, but the long hair around his mouth prevents him from fully enjoying it. He now has a very lopsided face as a result of the gum extraction.

7. Karin will be here in 27 days! The bad news is that means it is less than a month until the wedding and I still haven't learned to use the lights. Think they will be mad if I show up with a Polaroid and a flashlight?

8. Dex and the dog are best buds now. Riley has always loved Dex, and Dex is beginning to love him back.

lame.com

2007-06-23T22:25:00.000-05:00

I have just had nothing to say lately. Sad. Seriously. So I guess all you get now is updates.

1. Dex got a top front tooth. It is very very large.

2. Dex progressed from army crawl to veryveryfast army crawl. Has also develped the ability to pull to a standing position at the toilet and put his hands in it.

3. Riley had fleas. (Treated, hence the past tense.)

4. Riley caught TAPE WORMS from the fleas. (We were alerted to his condition when he began dragging his butt across the floors. Yum.)

5. The treatment for tape worms causes doggy diarrhea. (Luckily for us, it also stopped the butt-dragging, because the combination of those two could have been quite horrendous.)

6. My kids do not have tapeworms. (I know you were all secretly wondering about that, because of number 4. But I called the pediatrician's office. They laughed at me, and (again) thanked me for being a constant source of entertainment.)

7. Karin will be here, in my home, in a mere 5 weeks. (Our itinerary consists of 10 days of snuggling with Karin and 1 day of wedding stuff.)

8. Megan's wedding is in a mere 5 1/2 weeks and I still don't know how to work the lights I bought for the occasion.

9. Back to school sales on Ebay start in less than two weeks and I have approximately 397459287 items to prep.

10. Emma turns 5 on Tuesday.

11. Babies in a bucket of water is cute.

.....................................

Megan has commented (repeatedly) on the fact that my life is so chaotic that it should be a reality show. Where else can you get door-licking, toilet splashing, dog tapeworms, and my head exploding in 5..4..3..2..1..seconds? There could be serious money ahead for me. ("The Secret" tells me I can have it, so I am claiming it for myself. I am also going to ask for a beach vacation minus kids/hospitals/vomiting/airports. Voila! It is mine!)

sister = love

2007-06-14T21:38:00.000-05:00

michelle (9:35:49 PM): yours is the best
nicole (9:35:48 PM): i agree
nicole (9:35:58 PM): my ideas are usually the best
michelle (9:36:24 PM): in your dreams
nicole(9:36:36 PM): wake up dude, my brain is awesome
michelle (9:36:59 PM): then why don't you ever use it
michelle (9:37:06 PM): buuuuurrrrrn
nicole (9:37:16 PM): ouch

2007-06-11T16:35:00.000-05:00

So, I have been gone for awhile, I know. But it kinda seems like the crap-storm has been unending lately. A few days after we returned from the awful vacation, my grandmother, Meemaw, was moved to hospice care and died shortly thereafter. It was a sad and somewhat strange event because she has been sick for so long. Expected, but still startling. She had cancer for a number of years, but kept fighting back. This last round was just too much for her 72 year old body to take. I still wonder if she knew she was dying in the days before it happened, because we never discussed it. I know she was miserable, and wanted the pain to stop, but I don't know if she knew it was the end.

She was a different kind of grandparent, to be sure. She wasn't soft, or gentle, or grandmotherly in almost anyway. She was tough, spirited*, and sometimes gruff. But we never doubted that she loved us.

*Funny story: For years, Meemaw worked in the accounting department of a local printing company. The graphic artists and sales people who worked there were all young, and most thought they were pretty hot stuff. One day, for fun, one of the graphic artists thought it would be cute to pinch Meemaw on the butt as she walked by. Instead of being shocked, amused, or startled, she whipped around and punched him. In the face. With her bony little fist. Then she turned around, lit her Doral (filterless, in case you were wondering), and muttered, "Hate that shit." Grandmothers are supposed to bake cookies, not punch men in the face. I think I may have more than a little of her in me.

From the paper:

Marie Kiser

Funeral services for Marie Kiser, 72, of Smyer will be 10 a.m. Tuesday, May 29, 2007, in George Price Funeral Chapel, with David Luke of Smyer Church of Christ officiating. Burial will follow in the City of Levelland Cemetery under direction of George Price Funeral Home. She died Thursday, May 25, 2007, at Vista Care Hospice, in Lubbock.
Survivors include her husband, Harvey Kiser of Smyer; her children, Cindy Massingill, Vivian Abney, Kathy Davis, and Danny Kiser, all of Lubbock; two sisters, Barbara Cooper of Lubbock and Martha Brewer of Delhi, La.; a brother, Bill Dyson of Midland; five grandchildren; and three great grandchildren.
The family suggests that memorials be made to the Lubbock Childrens Home.

Two things

2007-05-26T22:45:00.001-05:00

1. Dex's mohawk is curly. Weird.

2. Emma's other front tooth came out.

Ahhhh, vacations (AGAIN.)

2007-05-23T08:48:00.000-05:00

So, we went on our family vacation. To the beach. Our fabulous fabulous luxurious weekend included:

FRIDAY

Dex began running a fever on the flight.

By the time we arrived in South Padre, he was crying and pulling his ear.

We drove to the nearest ER, in Brownsville.

We waited for 5 hours to find out that he had an ear infection.

SATURDAY

30 mph winds and cloudy

Went to the Sea Turtle Rescue center.

Ate at a pirate-themed restaraunt (Emma was in heaven).

After naptime, went to the beach. Found out that sand and binkies/bottles/drinks/food/cameras/diapers do not mix well.

Walked Emma and Claire to the nearest bathroom (approx. 1/4 mile away) 86478632 times.

Put the kids to bed with Nana, went to a bar where I found out that they have never heard of a Chilton, nor do they have lemon juice at the beach bar (wtf?). Ask for cherry vodka sour and receive pink lemonade + vodka.

Give up and go home.

SUNDAY

Shopping at a souvenir shop where playground balls are priced 10 dollars.

Buy obligatory souvenirs.

Michelle eats sushi for lunch.

After lunch, Claire and Dex take a nap while Josh, Emma, Michelle, Kimberly and Mom hit the beach.

Michelle complains of stomach upset and returns to her hotel room.

Josh spends 4 hours sunscreen-free at the beach and gets the worst sunburn ever.

Michelle calls us to complain that she can't stop throwing up.

Visit Michelle, determine that she is seriously ill, and head for the Brownsville ER. Again.

Spend evening at ER (read: 8 pm until 3:30 am).

Michelle receives IV fluids, anti-nausea meds, and a pat on the back.

Go to bed at 4 am.

MONDAY

8 am- phone rings. Terminally ill grandmother is worse.

Throw every item we own into random suitcases and head for the airport.

Need wheelchair service for Michlle, who is too weak to walk.

Carry 3 kids, one carseat, 2 backpacks, one diaper bag through security.

Arrive home sweaty, tired, and smelly. Give kids to dad's parents and go directly to to the hospital.

So, officially, it was bad. We did have a tiny bit of fun.

Oh yeah, one more:

Mother's Day photos

2007-05-17T17:50:00.000-05:00

Everyone got pictures for mother's day this year. (Shock! Gasp! Unbelievable!) I was pretty happy with the results.

This is what my mom got:

and this is what Josh's mom got. I have to say, these pictures were a bit more... problematic. 6 toddlers. 6!!! Well, to be fair, 4 toddlers and two infants. Jeez, it was work, lemme tell you.

Stuff

2007-05-08T10:58:00.000-05:00

Dex is the funniest kid lately. He loves finger food. With abandon. His skill is not quite keeping up with his desire, however. He is more of a "grab a handful of food, throw it at your face, and hope something goes in" kind of eater. Half of the mealtime is spent frantically grasping at the piles of food and trying to get them to his mouth. It is a sight to behold. By the end of the meal, he is smeared with food, from elbows to eyebrows.

Riley got his final booster this morning, which means it is haircut time!! His current look is a messy shag.

As soon as we get our newly shorn dog back, I will be sure to post pictures.

I have been photographing people outside of my family a little more than normal lately. Here are some of my favorites from last month:

Overheard last night

2007-05-02T14:51:00.000-05:00

(Banging noises)
Josh: Claire? What are you doing?
Claire: Fixed things. With a tool. That name is hammer.

Claire is going to be three in a couple of weeks. It astounds me that she has not yet reached three, and already has a multitude of embarrassing phrases under her belt.
"(Spoken loudly, completely with twang) Oh Gawt. What is da-at?"
"I trowed up. Onna table. At Nana's. It was icky."
"Because I want to do dat." (Most often spoken after the question 'Claire, why did you [fill in toddler offense here]?']
"You hitted me!" (always in public, always directed at me, never directly after an actual hit.)

When we named Claire, I could have never imagined that such a sweet, innocent,... calm name could produce a child like her. She is a bundle of energy, sure. But she is also stubborn, demanding and impatient. And don't forget defiant. However, she does it with such cuteness that it is hard to be annoyed by her for long.

She can be stopped in her tracks by any image of Dora or the promise of a marshmallow. She is immune to all manner of threats and punishment. They do nothing to deter her from whatever toddler felony she is currently committing.

I am not sure why I have Claire on the brain so much lately, but I think it is something the checker at WalMart, of all places told me: The middle one will never do anything new. The older one does everything first and the younger one will always be the baby. The poor middle child will never be either. It made me somewhat defensive on her behalf. Sure, she had the unfortunate situation of being born in the middle, but trust me- she never gets lost between baby and big kid. She is always the kid on the top of the pile, screaming happily at the top of her lungs. She leads mutiny such as this:

Ahhh, vacations...

2007-04-18T18:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, if you read Megan's blog, you already know the story. If you don't, go read it there, because it is embarrassing. I wasn't as brave as she made me sound. I would not have even mentioned it, but she forced my hand.

Okay, that is that. Alot of other stuff happened. Jared got drunk and put on a skirt.

Megan and I ran half a mile carrying (between us) a baby, a 30 lb diaper bag, a carseat and base, and a 40 lb carry on to avaoid missing a flight in Dallas. My heart is still recovering from that one.

(Don't have a picture of that one because we had 7 minutes to run 14 gates down the concourse.)

We got to see our very best friend and her beautiful little girl, whose endless questions took 3 days to get to me. 3 days!! She was so cute that she wasn't annoying.

Megan finally let me take her pictures and she looks purdy purdy.

Charleston was pretty, especially the beach part.

Most of all, I was reminded that I really miss my friend.

Thank you, Karin and Jared, for your hospitality. Especially the part where you had to put us up extra time because the people at American Airlines are mother effers. But that is another story for another time.

Oh, I forgot

2007-04-09T15:23:00.000-05:00

Dex finally has a tooth. He bites me with it alot. Also, he can do this:

It doesnt have a title but I gotta put something here

2007-04-09T14:48:00.000-05:00

Sorry I have been gone so long, internet friends. I have been busting my ass trying to sell off most of my Ebay inventory to make money for my trip to CHARLESTON where my friend KARIN LIVES. (!!!!!!!) I miss me some Karin and totally intend to spend the entire weekend curled up in a little cuddle ball in her lap.
We were also supposed to have a garage sale for the same reason, but it snowed. IT SNOWED. Saturday, the temperature never broke 31 degrees. The average tempurature here in April is mid-70's. It figures that the one weekend I want to do something outside...

................................................

The dog has a double ear infection. That is right, the dog. He requires medication and a weekly doctors vist. Holy mother of God, I got my tubes tied because I did not want any more kids. I now have a fourth, very hairy, child. He now weighs 6 lbs and is capable of swallowing the nipple end of the binky whole. (12 binkies, folks. That's about 25 dollars worth of binkies the dog has eaten.) He is starting to get on my nerves.

But, when you look like this:

you get away with being obnoxious.

Speaking of getting my tubes tied, (tune out now if you are one of those eww-i-dont-wanna-hear-about-bodily-function types. Goodbye seester, see you in a few paragraphs.), I had my annual visit with my OB. I should backtrack by saying I bled forever and ever and ever after I had Dex, so he finally put me on the pill. I took it for 4 months, then came off of it. Since then, I have been having very irregular bleeding. SO NOW I AM BACK ON THE PILL. The birth control pill. The "wouldn't have had my tubes tied if I new I would hafta take the pill forever" pill. Not effin fair, in my biased opinion.

..................................

We had a nice Easter with both my and Josh's families. Claire had an interesting way of getting the eggs open. She hatched them. This involved hiking up her dress, squatting down, and cracking them open with her tailbone.

Everyone looked great. Dex was especially dashing.

All in all it was a nice day. The only part that really bothered me was that I caught Emma stealing glances at my uncle, who looks a little like my dad did. Was she staring at him because he was a stranger (basically) or because he looked like Bubba? I couldn't make myself ask her.

Michelle brought the boyfriend (that's right, it's official, he is a BOYFRIEND), Jacob, and he is just way too cute for me to trust him. But I kicked his ass in Chinese checkers, so that made me feel a little better.

BTW, seester wore a turtleneck so that my grandparents wouldn't see her big ass tattoo. (Let's hope they never find the blog, ehh seester?)

Funny things

2007-03-27T16:12:00.000-05:00

1. The other night we were reading one of Emma's books. It was one of her favorites (you know, the non-fiction, no storyline books. Seriously.) She asked Josh some question about a particular picture. He answered. She looked at me sideways and whispered, "Is he right, mom?"

2. Seester's tattoo peeled like a lizard.

3. When we were prepping the backyard for the new grass, we came up with alot of worms. Emma thought they were gross. Claire thought they were cool because you could pinch them in half and they would keep wiggling (future sadist alert). The dog thought they were a snack and walked in the house with a worm-bits beard... Okay, less funny than gross.

4. This:

Don't they look like they could be responsible for some serious destruction? Dex is even flipping me off, albeit in his usual cheerful manner.

Seester has balls

2007-03-18T21:46:00.000-05:00

My baby sister got a tattoo. A big ass tattoo on the back of her neck. Following are some pictures of the big event: (I know the pictures are really red but a) the walls in there were red and b) I didn't want to make anyone with a needle in their hand jump because of the flash.)

This is seester showing us her "bad ass" face. It was quickly followed by her "Ouch" face. (see below.)

I especially like how she is gripping the sides of the chair so hard that she is ripping the leather...

The guy doing the tattoo was very nice, and very considerate of Michelle's anxiety issues but, seriously? The dude looked like a Muppet. I have never seen that much hair on anyone outside of Fraggle Rock.

One more ouch face, just for kicks.

I stupidly did not take a picture of the final product, but you can see the combination here of half tattoo and half drawn-on design. It is a pair of wings with my dad's initials in between them. I can't take a picture of it now because it is all crusty and healing. Maybe next week.

She says old ladies have been giving her dirty looks.

................

The dog will not go more than 4 feet away from wherever I am. I think that he thinks I am his mom. Whether this means he thinks I am a dog or he is a human, I don't know. Neither one is good. He even jumps into my lap if he gets startled. And when I use that voice, he listens. But I have realized we are kindred spirits- he s a paper shredder, just like his momma. (Those of you who do not drink with me- I am regularly ridiculed for the uncontrollable urge I have to tear up anything paper on the table. Waitresses hate me. No matter what kind of tip you leave, they still don't like to clean up confetti, I am quite sure.)

..................

Listening to Lily Allen - "Alright Still" right now (thanks, Michelle.) I like it alot because she says what most people are thinking. Ok, maybe not most people. But me, anyway. You should go enjoy her now. Unless, of course, you are easily offended. But, if that is the case, we do not get along well anyway, so go listen to it anyway so that I can enjoy knowing that I have irritated you WITHOUT EVEN BEING THERE.

God hates me a little bit, I think

2007-03-15T15:38:00.000-05:00

When I had Dex, I had my tubes tied. Awfully thoughtful of them to do that, as long as they were in there. Despite how unlikely it seemed, a couple of days ago I took a pregnancy test. Because I hadn't had a period in a million years. The damn thing was positive. I immediately passed out, but, when I came to, I FREAKED THE HECK RIGHT OUT (the f-word really would have worked better there, MOM.) Josh had a pretty laid back attitude about the whole thing. As in, "Ehh, it's probably some sort of testing error. Probably happens all the time". I had to restrain myself from screaming at him that THERE ARE NO FALSE POSITIVES EVER EVER EVER! NO SUCH THING, MORON!!! I called everyone I knew and they all agreed- no such thing as a false positive. My mother thoughtfully suggested that I take another test. Fine, take another test and prove Josh wrong. Sounds good.

Or not. The second test was negative. Which kinda made all of us sit down and scratch our heads. What does that mean? Finally, a million years later (12 hours) I was able to get a blood test at the Dr's office. I am, of course, not pregnant. When I asked the nurse how I could have gotten such a completely wrong answer from an at home test, she quickly replied, "Oh, that happens all the time. Everyone once in awhile there is a bad batch of tests. Happens all the time."

Not only did she prove Josh right, she said it twice. In one sentence.

............................................

The dog is so absolutely NOT allowed to chew on the baby, who just happens to be his favorite chew toy. Recently, he has started trying to trick me by sneaking up on Dex. He thinks that if he slowly inches forward, I might not notice at all. I noticed, I just took pictures of it rather than try to stop him...

Look at Dex's face in that last one. Like, "Mommmmm, he is getting closer. Do something!"

Why God gives you an infant before a toddler

2007-03-08T21:06:00.000-06:00

Because infants are cute and cuddly.
Because infants don't do things to make you crazy. (Not on purpose, anyway)
Because you will need time to get attached before they become toddlers.
Because infants never ever ever throw SAND ON THE HAMBURGERS IN THE GRILL. (and then cry because they are sooooooooooooo hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.)

Because this:

needs to come before this:

in order for me to survive until this:

..........................

Dex's teeth are yearning to break free of his gums. So much so that he spends most of his day grinding his gums together. It is pitifully cute.

He had his first test run with a sippy cup, and did pretty well. His first mouthful surprised him for a moment but, in true Dex style, he rolled with it. Swallowed, and smiled, like, "Hey. Alright. Cool." I swear, if he were any more laid back, he would be a cat. (A 17 lb lazy fat cat, like this one:

Why she loves him so much, I am not sure. But love him she does, so I try to tolerate it.)

Givin' you cavities, y'all

2007-03-03T21:16:00.000-06:00

I just hafta warn you about the dental health risks involved in viewing the following pictures.

..........................................

I mean, geez, it is frightening, the amount of cuteness that goes on at our house. I warned you earlier, but here comes the really dangerous stuff

.................................................

It's the dog. With a binky. It makes my teeth ache. He came up with this on his own. I did not encourage him any way. In fact, he is now becoming a notorious binky thief.

It is good that he is so cute because he sucks in the not-peeing-on-the-floor department. He slightly redeemed himself today by asking to be let out to poop. He will pee outside if I put him out there, he just doesn't think of it on his own. Granted, he is only 8 weeks old. I am trying to be understanding. Since he only weighs 2.6 pounds (tiny!!), I can't exactly pitch him in the backyard in the windy 40 degree weather. Surely he will get it soon. Cause I like him too much to kick him out.

Rejoice

2007-02-26T20:50:00.000-06:00

Hallelujah and much rejoicing, my camera has returned. I still love my prodigal equipment. (I know you were all anxiously waiting its return from mother effin New Jersey, so I thought I would relieve all of your worries...)

...........................

We have a new family member. His name is Riley and he weighs about 3 lbs. Also, he is very furry.

He spent the first day trembling and hiding, but I am now having trouble getting him to be still long enough to take his picture. He is half Shih Tzu and half Maltepoo (the new designer breed that is half maltese and half poodle. Thank you for your contribution to dog breeds, Jessica Simpson.) Basically, a top of the line mutt. Really cute, but will need lots of hair cuts. Time to meet some groomers.

We argued for days about what to name him. In the end, when Emma and I found one we could both live with, we caved. I think we were just ready to have a name that we could agree on. It was a grueling battle, and I did not win. And my only competition was a four year old. My only consolation is that she did not win either...

I'm back...

2007-02-20T15:26:00.000-06:00

Finally, some sense of normalcy has been restored in our household. Josh returned from his FOREVER LONG (2 and a half weeks) Wisconsin trip. He drove all night last Tuesday in order to be here for Valentine's Day. He got almost all the way here, about 3 hours away, and the truck broke down. They then spent the better part of the day getting the truck fixed, a measly 2 and a half hours away. I could have driven there and back a few times by 7 pm, which is when he finally walked through the door. He brought each of the girls their very own bouquet, which was about the cutest thing I had ever seen. Except that they were so in love that they insisted on carrying them around for days, until they fell apart. Bits of flower EVERYWHERE, I tell ya. I learned two very important things from Josh's trip.

1. I am not cut out to be a single parent of three. Let us all pray that Josh never grows tired of me, because you would someday find me hidden in a closet, pulling my eyelashes out.
2. My house is much cleaner without Josh in it. (Not sure if this is because he is a slob, or because I was so bored that I could do nothing but clean. Either way, now he is back, and we are back to our usual organized chaos.)

......................

Claire is more Texan than I had ever feared she could become. Every time something goes wrong (untied shoe, spilled drink, dropped toy, etc etc), she says the same thing: "Oh no! What we gonna do now?" except the gonna always comes out "go-an", turning it into "Oh na-ohhhh! (only in Texas can no become a two syllable word) What we goan do na-owwww?" Good thing we are planning on staying in this area of the country. She would be shunned as a redneck anywhere else in the world.

.........................

Dex can roll over now. (Both directions!!) I am more excited about this than I should be, because I know he will be mobile soon. And that means I will have to vacuum more if he is anything like Claire. She could find the tiniest bits of things in the carpet, and they promptly went into her mouth. I liked to call these little treats "found snacks", except that they weren't always food items. She is startlinlgly healthy now, probably from ingesting all those germs as a pre-walker.

.........................

We are getting a dog this weekend. Against my better judgement, I agreed to get the kids a pet. Since Emma and I are both allergic to cats, they were out. And I found out that certain breeds of dog are considered hypo-allergenic. We found a dog that is half Shih Tzu and half Maltepoo (maltese and poodle). A mutt really, but all 3 of those breeds were on the hypo-allergenic list, so I figure we are good. Don't come to my house for the next few months, as it will probably smell like pee. I have never house-trained a dog before, but I had enough trouble with the humans, so...
Pictures are sure to follow as this is the cutest freaking dog I have ever seen in my life. And I am not a dog person.

I like it I like it, Yes I do

2007-02-07T22:11:00.000-06:00

That is my title because it is the cutest thing I heard today. It came out of Emma's mouth. It was quickly negated by the 30 minute fit she threw because I wouldn't give her candy.

We babysat today. It was my 1 1/2 year old nephew Jack Ryan*. I was a little... apprehensive about this particular babysitting job because, well, he is a year and a half old. And notoriously into EVERYTHING. But I came to the stunning realization that I like little toddlers. (Strange, I know, since I have several of my own.) I had forgotton how cute the pre-talking stage is. Where gestures and facial expressions are so important cause it is about all they got. Like when he ate- I offered him cheese. He said what he could, "Cheeessssss", then nodded and smiled. And nodded and smiled. See? Easy? "Cheese? I actually am quite fond of cheese and I would love to have some. Thank you." Then on to apples. "Aaaaa-pulll" serious frown and head shaking. Translation? I am not really in an apple mood today, so I will pass. But my favorite part is that Emma made a new friend. He even learned a new word- "Emmmm" She pointed out that he actually said a LETTER, not a name, but she would take it. She made him a picture and everything. (Claire spent the better part of the day snatching things out of his hands and wailing, "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEE". But we all know how UN-cute two and a half year-olds can be. Just you wait, parents of Jack Ryan. You have no idea...) I don't have pictures because my camera is in fucking NEW JERSEY (more on that later), so you will have to trust me that it was cute. I liked it I liked it. Yes I did.

*He goes by both names sometimes because, to this point in his life, he has used both. You see, for the first 6 months of his life he was Jack. Then, poof, one day he was Ryan. Whatever his parents' reasons were, the decision was made, and he was Ryan. (Which was actually his middle name. I feel I should point that out so that people don't think they plucked the name from thin air. Like, "Bob? I don't think I like the name Bob anymore. From now on lets call him XANDER!!" They just switched from the first name to the middle name.) My husband, in his steadfast refusal to accept (or even acknowledge) change, still calls him Jack. Come on, Josh. It has been a year. Times have changed. Call him Ryan. Or at least Jack Ryan. You are confusing the kid. Or he may think you are stupid. Either way, give it up.

Watching the paint peel.

2007-01-30T12:23:00.000-06:00

I have never been so freaking bored in my entire life. All three kids are sick, which means we can't go anywhere and no one wants to visit. Josh is in Wisconson, which means I have no adult company. Annnnnnnd, I did something really stupid and grounded the kids from the computer. (They wouldn't go to bed, were driving me crazy, seemed like a good idea at the time.) So they have nothing to do (despite the 17 billion toys) and are whining.
So far I have organized the pantry, the fridge, the closets, and the bathroom cabinets. Now I am moving on to the kids toys, which is an effort in futility because they live to disorganize. Someone save me from myself. Soon, Erica, very soon, I too will be CLEANING THE VACUUM CLEANER. (That's right people- she cleans the thing you clean with. Gaahhhh.)
*Side Note- Does anyone else think I use too many parentheses? (I have noticed this. But it seems to be out of my control)
The good news about being bored is that I have a ridiculously clean house. The bad news is that I am completely insane and will probably be chewing up bits of paper by the end of the week.

I KNOW WHY MY COMPUTER IS BARKING!!!

2007-01-27T12:54:00.000-06:00

It has something to do with my Instant Messenger. Everytime my aunt logs in or out of AIM, the sound effect is a bark. (I only discovered this because I was staring at my buddy list when she logged out.) So the questions is, what do I do? Is it a problem with her AIM or mine? Anyone know?
Just glad to know that my computer is not possessed...

A multitude of reasons I am going to Hell

2007-01-21T09:38:00.000-06:00

1. Josh was watching a docu-drama last night on Discovery Times. (This happens more often than I would care to admit to strangers). It was something about Jesus and miracles (I freely admit that I was not paying attention) and I happened to look up and think, 'Hey, that guy is hot. Who is that?' It was Jesus. Which forced me to consider that there might be something terribly wrong with me for thinking that Jesus is just smokin' hot. Then I got mad at the filmmaker. Why hire an actor to play Jesus who is really cute? Do you want people to be attracted to the SON OF GOD???

2. I saw my mother-in-law at the drug store yesterday. She was standing at the register and didn't see me. I snuck up behind her and loudly announced, "I saw you putting all those things in your purse!!" She jumped, and the clerk looked alarmed. After I saw the clerk's eyes darting back and forth between the two of us, I told her I was kidding, and actually related to the pseudo-shoplifter. Then we high-tailed it out of there. Still don't know what the clerk thought, but I know my mother-in-law was less than amused.

3. Emma had to get two shots last week. They, theoretically, should be the last two she will get until middle school. I guess this should really be numbers three and four, because I did two things wrong here. First, when she asked why we were going to the doctor, I told her that it was for Claire, because she was sick. (This was true, by the way. I wasn't lying, just... omitting.) She didn't realize what was going on until the nurse walked out of the room and called out over her shoulder, "I'll be right back with Emma's shots." The second thing I did was lie unrepentantly while trying to console her. As in, "I know you don't want to, but these are the LAST SHOTS YOU WILL EVER HAVE TO GET". As in, ever. I figured at the time that this was ok because hopefully by the time she is 12, she will forget that I ever said that.

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Claire's vocabulary can't capture all that she wants to say. Which is (trust me) alot. So she has started inventing stuff. When something isn't perfect, you can regularly hear her saying things like, "NO! It's too sluffy mully." and "Wait! It's too sleefy". Funny stuff. It got funnier when she recently added, "No! It's too freaky!" (As I am writing this, she is telling me she wants to take her dress off because it is "too sluffy molly meemy plardy." What in the hell is she trying to say, anyway? At least with "I can't like that!", I knew what she meant.)

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Dex has slept through the night four nights in a row.

The scanner is still running

2007-01-16T19:20:00.000-06:00

and seester, I love thee most of all...

Why do I have my finger in your mouth? I do not know. But you seem to be enjoying it.

Ha! Naked pictures of you on the internet.... sexy.

Cute thighs......

And a glimpse into the future.

But, by far, this one is the best. You still make that face. Alot. Fortunately, your makeup has improved.

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Okay, this picture isn't old. In fact, I took it a few hours ago. But it is so hilarious that I cannot wait- it must go up right now.

Josh thinks this is an indication of his future as a salesman. I am more worried about the nearer future- like toddlerhood. He has way too much personality for that tiny body.

In case you had ever wondered if Claire was really mine...

2007-01-14T23:17:00.000-06:00

That is me, at two-and-a-half. It is like looking at Claire in a blonde wig. And just cause I am on a scanning kick right now,....

That is my dad. Under me is his ashtray. Yes, I noticed it. No, I do not need for you to point it out. It was worth it for that kiss. :)

Yeah, my mom was kind of a hippie. A pretty, pretty hippie

And in case anyone was wondering if Dex is really Josh's:

And, in case you were wondering if Dex will be a cute little boy, the answer is yes.

This last one is for my cousin who thinks she wasn't a cute baby. (She probably doesn't even know this blog exists. But now all of you know, she was a dang cute baby.)

I know you are sick of hearing about it, but....

2007-01-12T22:00:00.000-06:00

Dang, he is just so cute.

He slept through the night last night, which makes him 100 times cuter.

He had his 4 month check up today. His height is in the 90th percentile (tall!!), his weight is in the 10th percentile (skinny!!) and his head was in the 50th percentile (normal!!). He still doesn't do much but look cute, but apparently that is ok. His only job is to learn how to roll over in the next two months or so.

Claire went with us, because she needed her Hep A booster. She did remarkably well, only crying about 15 seconds. She immediately stopped when the nurse said, "We are done. You can get a toy out of the machine!" They have one of those toy dispensing machines that takes a token. No matter how many times I tell the girls, they will not be convinced that you cannot "exchange" your toy for the one you had your eye on. I tried pointing out that ALL of the toys in there suck, not just yours. All this got me was an angry glare from the nurse.

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My sister is talking about moving away for grad school. I am so sad. I selfishly want her to stay here forever. She thinks Lubbock is boring. I think she will be disappointed to find that you can be bored almost anywhere in the world. I am here. My cutie babies are here. What more could a girl want?

Eventually, both she and Laurie (cousin-who-is-more-like-a-sister, for those of you who were wondering) will undoubtedly move away. Probably somewhere near each other. It is like considering losing a loved one- too hard to think about. I can't imagine my life without them!! Who else will horrify me with bodily functions, or reassure me that she is definitely weirder than me. (You each know which of these examples apply to you...) Now I am depressed....

Is it wrong that I want each of them to skip out on life experiences so that I won't have to miss them? Is that even normal, or am I just the most self-absorbed person we all know? Would it be possible to just adopt them both so that I can run their lives?.... worth considering, for sure. (Listen, girls, I know I am bossy, but you will like it here. I make a mean meatloaf, lemme tell you.)